FILM: Mario Kart: The Movie (Trailer)

After blowing our minds for 15+ years on the small screen, everyone's favorite Nintendo franchise brings its red shells, battle modes, and Mushroom Cups to Hollywood. Released this past week, MKTM's trailer gives us a sneak peak at what surely will be the most dramatic racing movie since Too Fast Too Furious. For you purists, this one delivers the goods: A) Mario as the lead, B) Wario as the fat, evil villain, and C) all the supporting characters in their comic relief glory. Critics will be surprised by the superb acting, soundtrack, and stunning emotional layers to MKTM (Mario hitting rock bottom, the origins of Baby Mario, etc.). While I do think this trailer reveals a little TOO MUCH plot (SPOILER: A dumb main character dies!), a story of "loyalty and love" has this reviewer licking his chops to get to the theaters. Ah, too bad its a fake. Daisy sucks.

AVATAR Trailer!

After months of hype and big promises, James Cameron's Avatar movie finally has a trailer. Every single film critic/blogger who has caught a sneak peek at Avatar footage has said that it's mindblowing.

In my opinion, this film is either going to be a huge critical/financial hit or it's going to flop big time. I don't think we are going to see much middle ground here. The scope, look, and feel of the movie is so unique and ambitious that it could be really polarizing. I think it's going to kick ass, but it's probably going to kick ass and make little profit, if any.. Watch the trailer and judge for yourself. It's like Doom meets the Night Elves in Warcraft III and it's set in a world that Atrus from Mist must have drawn up.

Granted, it's meant for IMAX and 3D and screens much bigger than my laptop screen, but I'm impressed, and you should be too.

Pic of the Week

LOST Casting Call

I already had fun doing this before Season 5, so let's try and guess who LOST will cast next. Per EW, they want a male actor between 30 and 50 to play....

"Lennon: Scruffy, edgy, charismatic, and slightly stir-crazy, Lennon can be deferential when it’s called for. He’s the spokesperson/translator for the president of a foreign corporation. He’s a wily negotiator, and far more powerful than his lowly position would seem to indicate. Recurring."

When they casted Caesar and Illana, the names did not change, so for now we can assume this guy will really be named Lennon. Here are a couple thoughts that immediately occur:

• Translator for the president of a foreign corporation makes me think Mr. Paik's right hand man. Might Sun's pop play a significant role in the final season?
  
• What foreign leaders haven't we met yet? I'm willing to be this guy will be the person pulling the strings for Illana and her group. And who is it? ALVAR HANSO!!!!
• From the description of the character, I'm guessing this guy will remain off-Island, so will he even by that important?

Okay, time for my pick. Like Illana, this guy is going to be European. Plus, he did a little stint on Deadwood like several other minor LOST characters, and since I recently watched the third season of 24 (he played the villain Stephen Saunders), I think this guy would be perfect:

PAUL BLACKTHORNE

Review: The Goods

What happens when you take an ensemble of some of the funniest comedic role players and handicap them with piss poor jokes and an empty story? You get The Goods, a movie that almost makes you appreciate the comedies like Funny People that actually put a lot of work into their scripts.

This movie is filled with "Hey, I know that guy" actors, and most of them can be counted on to bring the funny to a film. There's Jeremy Piven (slick car salesman/PCU guy all grown up), Ed Helms (rival/boy band enthusiast), David Koechner (numbers guy), Ken Jeong (salesman), Craig Robinson (DJ) and Rob Riggle (man child). Throw in old-timers James Brolin (dealership owner/closet queer) and Charles Napier (racist war veteran) and you have a pretty well rounded cast. The pedigree is there behind the scenes too, as Will Ferrell and Adam McKay produced the film. Too bad that the story is paint-by-numbers predictable (if they don't sell all the cars on the lot, the dealership folds) and the jokes miss more than they hit.

The only reason I went to see the film is because I watched Will Ferrell's cameo online, which is hilarious. But seriously, you're better off catching District 9 or waiting for Inglourious Basterds than enduring this turdburger.

D+

Review: District 9

This has got to be the best movie adaptation of a video game never made in the first place. Everything about District 9 begs for a kick ass first person shooter. First, let me be clear. This shouldn't be taken as an insult. The movie reportedly cost about $30 million to make, and since it was filmed in South Africa with local actors, the feel of the film is similar to the lower quality cut scenes that accompany arcade games like Area 51. There is a deliberate mix of shaky-cam documentary, security cam footage, some History Channel-esque interviews, and some traditional camera work to cover the aliens when they're alone, and it's all done in a really cool way. It's not often I say things like "wow, the editing is pretty sweet," but that's what I thought about in the theater. So what's it about?

Set in Johannisberg, a race of aliens derogatorily called "prawns" (we never find out the real name of their race or home planet) landed there 20 years ago and have been living in a makeshift Hoovertown, complete with rubble, garbage, and shacks. I'm not going to go political and make any comparisons to apartheid in South Africa, because who really cares? The cool thing is that this film cleverly presents us with this scenario from 3 different points of view.

Firstly, we have the bureaucracy charged with keeping the peace, led by South Africa's fictional MNU company. These guys are feeling pressure from the people to do something about the prawns living in District 9. They appoint cool guy Wikus to oversee an eviction of all the bugs living in the shanties so that they can move to a concentration camp (not cool). Wikus is training his replacement, and takes us on a tour of the dump, educating us about what the aliens like (cat food), what they don't like (humans), and how to handle them.

Next, we have the alien race. These guys just want to go home, but they are forced to make due in their shanty-town. There is violence, gambling, gangs, and general unrest. We are supposed to sympathize with the bugs.

Finally, there is the military contracted to keep everyone in line. Not only do we have the overly-aggressive government military, but also Nigerian gangs sniffing around. Pretty much, District 9 has developed into a huge mess, and local citizens are sick of it.

So where's the drama? In a nutshell, Wikus gets exposed to alien matter while searching for illegal weapons, and is now able to use their bioweapon technology. This makes him a tasty target for the government. If they are able to capture him and harvest his organs, they t00 can figure out how to utilize the alien technology. Wikus' only hope for help and survival is to team up with prawns.

The plot twists, special effects, characters, and conflicts are all done in a smart and suspenseful way, but again, this would make a hell of a video game. There are rescue missions, storm-the-base missions, and crazy tank missions. The weaponry progresses from standard human guns and grenades to crazy Halo-like alien guns to advanced human cannons to big awesome tank suits. And most importantly, the lead character is really cool. Not enough could be said about whoever this newcomer is, but he owns the movie.

All in all, this is gearing up to be a pretty awesome year for sci-fi. Abrams made Star Trek entertaining again. District 9 is an innovative alien movie that cost pennies to make, and pretty soon, James Cameron will be blowing our minds with Avatar. For now, definitely throw this movie into the FLOBY Best Picture mix, because it is just that good.

A

Fantasy Football DRAFT Tips

The Steelers opened up the 2009 campaign last night with a preseason victory over the substandard Cardinals. With the regular season fast approaching, a lot of people are gearing up for fantasy football drafts. I'll outline some tips to keep in mind when constructing your team. This might not be wise since the people that read this website are my competitors in the Steeler Greats league, but I haven't made the playoffs since the Cowher era, so take it with a grain of salt.


Don't go "All-In" in the first round - The first round is obviously important, but one player is simply a fraction of your team. Good fantasy football teams have depth at key positions and owners of those teams generally draft well in rounds four and beyond. Just look at the players drafted last year that will probably be keepers this season. Michael Turner, Chris Johnson, Matt Forte, etc were all drafted in later rounds a season ago and were big difference-makers for their owners. Build a solid base, don't trade everything away for a chance at Tom Brady.

Value, Value, Value - Every year, the first tight end comes off the board way to early and then other TEs quickly get drafted. If five TEs are already gone, don't reach and take a tight end in the seventh or eighth round who in actuality has twelfth round value. It's sometimes better to take a 3rd RB or 4th WR than to reach on a quarterback just because you don't have one. Research players, know where they are rated and where they "should" be drafted, and go from there. Maybe you didn't draft a top five tight end, but you got a solid receiver instead and picked up an under-the-radar tight end in round fourteen that will have a good and surprising year.

Know the Scoring System - Steeler Greats gives an equal amount of points for a throwing TD as it does a rushing or receiving TD. It puts the emphasis on having a top-tier quarterback. I should take this advice, I let the best qbs get drafted and then take Matt Hasselbeck in a later round. When he gets hurt or just plain out sucks, I get screwed.

Injuries - If a player consistently gets hurt every year, Hasselbeck or dare I say Adrian Peterson, is it worth taking him?

Offensive Lines - Healthy and solid lines usually equate to success and health for running backs and quarterbacks.

Bye Weeks - I think some go crazy with trying to side-step bye weeks, but at the same time you don't want half of your team off for one week. One loss during the season could cost you a playoff spot.

Players from same team - There are some differing opinions, I'm not a huge fan of it, but you were golden if you had Brady and Moss two years ago. If a QB/WR combo has a bad week, it could spell double trouble for your fantasy team.

Pay Attention During the Draft - If you are drafting say in the 9th spot in the odd rounds and the 2nd in the evens and you want two players, say a RB and QB, you might want to take the QB first if the guy drafting after you already has 3 RBs and 0 QBs. The RB you want should be available to you on the way back.


That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. Draft Day is important but remember that it is not the end-all. Undrafted players will have big years, and first rounders will be major busts. Fantasy teams in September will look a lot different come January. It's good to think proactively as opposed to re-actively, but that can sometimes to tough. Buy a magazine, do a little research, and root for the Carnell Lake Effect.