Am I mad? I must be, because here's my second consecutive running diary for LOST. For whatever reason, there was a lot of backlash from Across the Sea. Of course, I disagree with those people, but the invincibility of the Running Diary was tainted. To find out for sure if I've lost my powers, I'm jumping back into the fire.... or diving back into the stream that leads to a glow-in-the-dark cave.
Oh, but before you read this, go here to see the latest Totally Lost video on EW.com. You can skip through the first couple parts if you like, but part 5 features a "counseling" session between Jacob and Dr. Smoke, and it's surprisingly hilarious.
So where did we leave off in present time? Sayid, Sun, and Jin are all gonzo, and the remaining candidates are left reeling on the beach. Will Jack reach Desmond in the well? Will Big Smoke reach out to Widmore so they can kill them off?
8:59 - Make ready....... LOOSE!!!
9:00 - Jack's eye opens...We're back to flashsideways Jack and his nasty shaving cut. Retard son gets all needy and wants Daddy to attend his concert with the MOTHER. Place your bets. Claire from Modern Family? Juliet? Rousseau? I've already explained that Claire from Modern Family was recently shooting their vacation episode in Hawaii, so she's the safe bet. -4
9:02 - Desmond totally played the doc with an effective Yank accent. It's going to take a lot to get Jack to reboot.... I don't have any ideas, by the way. +0
9:03 - Jack is repairing Kate's wound to nicely mirror the pilot episode where Kate stitched up Jack. "We have to kill him, Jack," barks useless Kate (by that, she means you have to kill him while I get captured again). -4
Commercial Break 1: Two questions. How will Desmond get Jack to realize his destiny? It sounds like Jack is traveling to the airport to pick up his dad. Will anyone else be there? Also, how can you kill BIG SMOKE?!?!?! Does it have to do with the light in the cave?!?!??!
9:06 - Classic LOST music... my favorite. +2
9:07 - I hate myself for doing this, but I noticed Mira Furlan in the credits... aka Rousseau. I suck for spoiling the surprise. -5
9:08 - HAHAHAHAHHA. Even in the sidewaysworld, Ben gets the shit kicked out of him.... And that's what it takes to get Ben to see the real world. Brilliant. +3
9:09 - "I lived in these houses a long time, Miles. I think I can remember how to get there."
"Well, I lived in these houses 30 years before you did... otherwise known as last week... and I have no idea where the hell we are." (Miles kicks ass). +2
9:10 - Miles is freaking out over a corpse. Whose? Ben's daughter? SCORE!!! I wonder what she was thinking right before Keamy plugged her, and I wonder if Miles will ever tell Ben. +3
9:12 - OOOOOOO Widmore just showed up at the Barracks with the hottie scientist. This is the first time Ben and Charles have seen each other since Ben told him he "changed the rules," right? +1
Commercial Break 2: Any chance that the events we're seeing with Ben and Charles happened before Jack and co. stormed the sub? It just seems so unlikely that Ben would get C4 from the Barracks to put on the plane AFTER Widmore had already loaded C4 on the plane. Perhaps Alpert fired that first shot the hit Kate? Yep... I don't think I'm making sense right now.
9:18 - "And why would you want to do that?" - the weekly award goes to Mr. Charles Widmore, in reference to the C4 mission!!! +2
9:19 - "Why wouldn't I want to?" - the runner up award goes to Sideway Locke, when Ben told him not to call the cops. -2
9:21 - Desmond is on the move again, this time to the precinct where Sawyer, Kate, Miles, and Sayid are. Ten bucks says he mentions that all of them were on 815. +1
9:22 - "I killed them, didn't I?" YES STUBBORN SAWYER. YOU KILLED 3 CHARACTERS THAT WE DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT. WAITTTTTT Hugo just saw lil' Jake in the woods, and he wants... his..own... ashes? Uhhh... and now Jacob is here... +3
9:23 - "Your friends are very close to the end, Hugo." Sorry for getting a little quote-heavy here, but this is Jacob's last appearance (I'm not sure why that is when other dead characters seem to have unlimited mana). Thumbs down for bringing kid Jake into the episode, and thumbs down for no more Jacob. -6
Commercial Break 3: I'm a bit overmatched this week since both the regular world and sidewaysland are all over the place. We are hitting on damn near every remaining character, so it's hard to keep motives and objectives in check. The Ultimate LOST Fan Promo contest is a weird mash-up of some of LOST's best quotes with shards of crystal meth... oh it's the black and white stones. Well done, Ultimate LOST fan...
9:29 - "Give me your walkie-talkies." "Why?" "Because I asked." Ummmm, not really a question, Linus. Okay, to make matters more complicated, we have 4 different plans to handle Big Smoke. Widmore wants to hide. Miles wants to run. Ben wants a showdown. And Richard wants to chat. Yikes, I'm tired. +3
9:30 - oooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So much for talking, Richard. He just got Terry Tated by Big Smoke and is now sailing off into the distance. +1
9:32 - "And why would I do that?" Another award goes to Ben, after Smoke's tells him to kill some people. I hate this game. -4
9:33 - The proposal is simple. Kill everyone and you get the Island. Obviously if Ben had any brains he would know that Locke is lying... yet again. Oh, and Widmore just got ratted out. Hah! +3
9:35 - Awwwwww, it's Rousseau. What a great (and hot) mom. And I'm pretty sure she's hitting on Ben. "It's so nice to be cooking for someone other than Alex." She's definitely mackin on him. Too bad the flash cuts out before they smooch. -1
9:36 - Round 1. Big Smoke vs. Widmore+Hot Doc. FIGHT! +2
9:37 - NOOOOOOOOO Smoke just slit her throat for being "pointless." This hurts more than Sun's death... -5
9:39 - Uh oh... here it comes.
9:40 - Yep. Lights out, Charles Widmore, courtesy of Big Ben's glock. "He doesn't get to save his daugher." Evil Linus is so much more awesome than pitiful Linus. I was going to give it a +10, but then he said "Didn't you say there was some other people to kill?" +20
9:41- Whoa. Roundtable war council with Jacob. I wish I could transcribe all this awesomeness, but Jacob pretty much just told them that he'll tell why he chose them as candidates, how they can protect the Island, and that one of them IS GOING TO START DOING IT!!!!! +8
Commercial Break 5: I nearly had a brain aneurysm just now. Firefox just crashed, and I nearly lost everything I just wrote. Thank goodness for autosaves. This episode is still too scattered for my liking. This upcoming scene with Jacob is going to make or break the epsiode, I fear.
9:46 - Consult time... with Jack and Locke (sounds like a great TV show idea). "What if all this........ maybe this is happening for a reason!!" I miss old Locke... still my favorite character. Island download is imminent for both of them. +9
9:49 - W O W. This could be one of the most important scenes in series history. I wish I could transcribe everything that Jacob said. He explained why he chose them (because they were flawed and lonely, just like him). He told Kate why he crossed her out (she became a mother). He explained the job (don't let the light go out). Can they kill the monster? Let's hope, cause he sure as hell is gonna try and kill them, says Jacob. He even gave them the choice he never had. All of this kicked ass, and then big Jack stepped up to the plate, summoned up some Jack tears, and took the job. This scene was H U G E, and I can't wait to watch that again. +30
Commercial Break 6: Not much to say. I spent the whole break writing that last part, and I need a moment to breathe.
9:55 - Jack drinks the Kool-Aid... "Now you're like me." Not as epic as I imagined it would be. -10
9:56 - Kate in a cage (her cell). That's going to do it for Sawyer. Or maybe not. -5
9:57 - Desmond is my favorite character in this sideways world (after real Locke). He's just so quirky and positive about all this. +4
9:58 - ANA LUCIAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! -10
9:58 - I'm not sure what is happening, but unlike ugly, stupid Kate, I trust Desmond. +0
9:59 - Speaking of Desmond, it's good to see that Desmond made it out of that well. "Desmond was a fail-safe. Jacob's last resort in case, God forbid, I manage to kill all of his beloved candidates. One final way to make sure I never leave this place." Uh-oh. "I'm gonna destroy the Island." WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa +50
L O S T
10:00 - Some crazy old lady narrator teases the finale. How stupid was that? -15
Final Arbitrary score: +76, which falls between MacCutcheon's Whiskey and "WE HAVE TO GO BAAAAAAAAACK" on the LOST Awesome Scale.
I originally was going to pan this episode for trying too hard to move too many pieces into too many different places for the finale.... but then Jacob had the candidate's meeting by the campfire. Also, this episode was packed with great exchanges between characters in those little moments that don't stand out thematically but they still rule (examples: Sawyer and Miles at the police station, Ben and Rousseau outside her car). By the way, do all the best scenes in LOST happen by a campfire? Here's a quick list:
1. The fuselage burning at the end of Walkabout when Locke looks at his wheelchair and smiles. Awesome.
2. Charlie throwing his drugs in the fire as Locke looks on.
3. Mr. Friendly's "LIGHT EM UPPPPPPPPPP" speech where he said "This is OUR Island."
4. Desmond getting drunk on MacCutcheon's as Charlie and Hurley ask about the flashes.
5. Jack and Smokey Locke meeting this season.
Am I missing anything from season 4 and 5? Anyway, Jacob's talk ranks up there as one of the more enjoyable scenes to watch because he gave up so many answers. We can all agree that Jack was the safe (and best) pick to replace him, but after that we still had some crazy shit with Desmond and Locke. I'm officially pumped as hell to see the finale. Will Locke destroy the Island? Will Desmond prevent it by transferring the sideways people to the Island? Will Lapidus show up out of nowhere with a snappy one-liner and fly Hurley, Kate, and Sawyer off the Island? Do I dare live blog this behemoth?
A-
UPDATED SEASON 6 RANKINGS
1. Ab Aeterno
2. the Candidate
3. the Substitute
4. Lighthouse
5. What They Died For
6. Across the Sea
7. Everybody Loves Hugo
8. Happily Ever After
9. The Last Recruit
10. LAX
11. Dr. Linus
12. Sundown
13. the Package
14. Recon
15. What Kate Does
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