INDY 5: The Search For More Money?

Over a year ago, the summer movie season that spawned The Dark Knight and WALL-E started off with everyone's favorite geriatric archaeologist and his band of terrible supporting characters. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull premiered to much anticipation and perhaps too much hype. We all hoped for something along the lines of the Last Crusade; a film that embraced the spirit of the Indy films before it while giving us a fresh take on the Indy character. What we got instead was the result of 20 years of George Lucas pouting til he got his way.

Which Crystal Skull viewers were more pissed off, those that had a feeling it would be about aliens (and spent half the movie wishing it wouldn't actually happen), or those of you refusing to suspect something so laughable and then getting blindsided with a flying saucer. I was firmly in the camp of Alien Suspicion. Frankly, it seemed like the world's worst kept secret. You take the director responsible for E.T., Close Encounters, and War of the Worlds and put him in the room with the brain behind the life (and death) of the Star Wars franchise, you just knew George would eat that shit up with a side of Tantan guts. Lucas wanted Aliens from the beginning, everyone else did not. A stand-off occurred, and it looked like no side would cave. Lucas was busy becoming uber-rich by milking every last cent from his baby, and Spielberg was enjoying lots of continued success with his projects. Something tells me if it were up to just those two guys, the movie would never have been made.

Sadly, a third party had a say in it also. Harrison Ford was once the most bankable man in Hollywoodland, and when the 90's left us, so did his ability to pick good scripts. Turd after turd found the man quickly losing his loyal audience. Those who lined up in droves to see Air Force One found it more entertaining to play the Sims in their mom's basement than see Hollywood Homicide. Who can blame 'em? He needed a hit, something to remind everyone that yea, he eats bad guy's faces. It seemed his last gasp grasp came at the Indy franchise, and while he once steadfastly refused to touch anything related to aliens, he found himself not only considering the option, but agreeing to it faster than George Lucas can fuck a gungan. Ford put the carpenter squeeze on Spielberg and thus, Indy 4.

I've seen Crystal Skull a lot, and while I love a good bit of it, I really really hate Mutt, the fridge, the aliens, and the ending. The most satisfying part of the movie, however, is the fallout: the person the fans blamed for it. No one blamed Spielberg, we figured he did the best with what he had and is only guilty of being Georgey Boy's doormat. Ford was considered by many to be the lone shining light of the movie, pushing it beyond 'merely watchable' to 'rather enjoyable'. Yes, Fat Neck Lucas takes the most blame. And rightly so.

Through it all though (and this is where my post creeps into relevance), Indy 4 managed to snake in serious dollars. And any time that happens, Lucas awakes from his stormtrooper-filled wet dream with thoughts of s e q u e l on the brain. Uh oh. The talk began immediately, with Lucas coming right out and saying "well, if there's gonna be another movie, it falls to me to come up with the story, because if I didn't I wouldn't have any association with the movie at all." He rightly flip flopped on his previous stance and said that Mutt would continue to sit on the sidelines sucking dick, and that the focal point in an Indy movie would forever be Indy (I know, a no-brainer right?)

Now everyone's favorite douche has chimed in. Shia LaBeouf claims that he talks with Sir Spielberg now and then, and in their last conversation Steven says he's 'cracked the story' for Indy 5. Apparently, everything is rolling along. Paramount Pictures have come out and said that they won't be the studio behind a new Indiana Jones movie (a bit shocking), letting their pals at NBC-Universal to do it instead. The latest bit of news happened today. Frank Marshall, producer for all four Indy films has come out with this interesting bit of info:

"It's really about the script," said Marshall. "Once we see that, we'll see. We're not going to wait another 20 years. We'd all love to make another one. I'm anxious to hear the idea!" I guess he doesn't even know what idea LaBarf is talking about. "Until there's a script, nothing's definite. I haven't heard the idea." Marshall confirmed that the three heavyweights are all in for another Indy film. "Yeah. We had a great time making the last one and, as Harrison said, we need to make this one soon. We're not getting any younger."

And there you have it. The sequel we expected but hoped against (similar to the aliens) is making some progress. How do we feel about this?

Well, Indy's married with a step-child now. The ONLY way and I mean the absolute ONLY way that Indy 5 will be any good is if Indy leaves the weak links at home and goes off adventuring without them. We've had enough of Shia. Let him stay at home wanking to James Dean posters. He killed Crystal Skull, he will kill again...

Marion, she's alright, but is now too old and too ugly to keep up with Indy. Let Doc Jones ride off to the Mid East or something, reunite with Sallah, find the mother of all artifacts, and kick it old school. He can find some new flame there and flirt with the idea of infidelity. Heck, he can give some young girl the business for all I care. The worst thing they could've done was handcuffed him at home with a wife, so just let him run around being Indy Jones for Christ's sake. The fans demand nothing short of a full-fledged return to classic Indiana Jones. I'm all for a good sequel. Harrison is up for it still, but once he hits 70 it's all over. Jesus, he's almost that old? He can still play younger, as he's done his whole career, so I'm not too worried about passing him off as The Man With The Hat. Follow these simple instructions and the fans will return.

So there.

FILM: Indiana Jones (4 Headlines)

*Posted April 7, 2009*

Not only was Indiana Jones 4 the first article in our first issue, it also was our first themed week (Issue 7). In Issue 2, Dave placed Indy at the top of the Harrison Ford "Best Characters" list. In Issue 8, I broke down the film (earned a B) and compared it to the other films (it ranked 4th out of 4). My sister placed Indy 4 has her 3rd favorite film of 2008 (she saw over 50 of them). The film even garnered a Best Picture nomination at the FLOBYs. Despite later being outshined by the Dark Knight, Indy proved to be the first big event for the site.

WEB: George Lucas Might Ruin Indy

*Posted December 11, 2008*

This was made waaaaaayyyy back in May, about a week before Indy 4 came out. It's made by the same guy who made the "What if George Lucas Made LOTR?" featurette that we had on the site a while ago. This one is just as funny as the LOTR sketch, especially the classic Spielberg "praying" pose (if you've ever watched him on a making-of special feature, then you know what I mean).

FILM: DARABONT'S INDY 4 SCRIPT REVEALED?

*Posted June 12, 2008*

I just finished reading "Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods," a script leaked to the press that is supposedly none other than Frank Darabont's. For Indy Week, we had an article that spoke of some possible attempts at writing the fourth movie, but Darabont's (who wrote for the Indy TV series) effort has always been kept top secret. What isn't a secret is that David Koepp's script (Crystal Skull) was pretty much a grab bag of some of the best pieces of the other scripts. How much did he borrow from City of the Gods? Look here before it's too late. Here's my review.

Is Darabont's script better? You bet. But there are hits and misses just like there are in Crystal Skull. Here's the breakdown.

Skull's beginning: Paramount logo dissolved to CGI gopher hill, followed by a car blazing down the rode to 50's tunes. Eventually we see a group of Russian trucks who pass by the Atomic Cafe on their way to Area 51, where they take over the warehouse in search of a weird artifact.

God's beginning: Paramount logo dissolved to real mountain in Nevada, followed by a car race in the desert with some 50's tunes in the background. Eventually they pass the Atomic Cafe, where inside, Indiana Jones and his Russian buddy, Yuri, are eating lunch. Nearby they go on a dig where Indy is photographing pottery and Yuri says farewell to go on a big adventure of his own.

Verdict: Even though Yuri actually says "Back then, adventure had a name," God's has a better opening because we see Indy at peace and content with his age (he is not wearing his outfit at the moment). In Skull, we were thrown right into the mix. Both aren't bad, but God's is better (huge bonus points for no CGI gopher hills).

Skull's first action: Indy is on the run from Spalko and big Russian baddie after Mac turns on him. What follows is an awesome warehouse action scene, then Indy and the tough guy on a rocket sled, and the horrendous 'nuke the fridge scene.'

God's first action: Indy notices Yuri off in the distance meeting up with soldiers who disguise themselves as MP's to storm the base (never referred to as Area 51). Indy grudgingly follows and infiltrates the base, knocking out a guard and taking his uniform (like in Raiders and Crusade). After an exchange we get a warehouse chase that probably isn't as good as Skull's, the rocket sled, and the horrendous 'nuke the fridge' scene.

Verdict: Skull, just barely (but than again, it's pretty much just stolen from Gods. In the latter, one of the officers at the gate says "protocol tango, hotel, x-ray, one, one, three, eight. We have vehicles, authorization is good, request you unlock inner gate." Did you spot the joke?

Skull: Indy gets canned for being a commie, meets Mutt Williams, and goes on an motorcycle chase.

Gods: Indy gets canned, gets hammered and talks to the Marcus Brody statue at the museum. Lots of throwbacks to the old movies, if you're into that sort of thing. Indy, still a drunken mess, decides he wants to take the artifacts him and Marcus worked so hard for. We see the Cross of Coronado and the Fertility statue, so Indy tries the bag of sand trick from Raiders and fails just like in Raiders. There's a quick action scene with a shady villain, then Indy goes home and sees his Dad.

Verdict: The references to the old movies are sometime too much, but Henry Sr. is alive and well. No Mutt in Gods. Draw.

Skull: Indy and Mutt use Oxley's National Treasure clues to find the skull in Peru. But the Russians catch up to them. Enter Marion Ravenwood as Mutt's mom. Oh, and Indy is Mutt's dad.

Gods: Indy must leave the country because the government is after him. His Dad lets him run away (since he's so good at it). His encounter with the shady villain has landed him the crystal skull (called the Skull of Destiny. OOOoooOO!) and a trip to Peru in place of Yuri. Turns out Marion is waiting in Peru to run the search for the city. They have their little moment. Indy actually says "Marion Ravenwood. I always knew some day you would come walkin back through my door." Turns out Marion is married to a fancy foreign archaeologist who is searching for the city. What about Willie Scott? Indy heard she went off to Hollywood and married some big shot director (gay).

Verdict: The in-jokes keep coming in Gods, but the dialogue between Marion and Indy is much better.

Skull snake moment: The dry sand pit/snake scene is hilarious and very entertaining.

Gods snake moment: Guess what? Indy got over his fear of snakes years ago. Some people can change you know. That's what he says after the first regular sized snake. Then an anaconda eats him whole, forcing him to cut through from the inside out with a machete...whatever. He's still fine. Then he sees a baby snake on his pillow and freaks. Whatever again.

Skull: Indy and his crew find the city, but the Russians are hot on their tail. We also get a big jungle jeep chase, man eating ants, and Mutt playing Tarzan.

Gods: Indy, Marion, and her husband search for the city. Yuri and the Russians are on their tail. So is the Peruvian Government with the help of a Nazi. There's a big jungle chase, maneating ants, and Indy playing Tarzan (why do people think this is a good idea).

Verdict: The stunts in Gods are much crazier, like Indy and Marion's plane chase with Yuri. We still get all the waterfalls in this, and the jeep landing on a tree that slingshots back at the Russians. Oxley is also in this as a nutball who's been there. Marion's husband, who seemed great, is a little shifty. The relationship between those three is very entertaining. Her husband is pretty much Belloq reborn. Even though the action is out of control, the story is so far better in Gods.

Skull: The skull belonged to one of the 13 aliens who landed here to make civilization better. They also collected lots of artifacts. Spalko gets vaporized by knowledge, Indy and his crew escape to fight another day.

Gods: Almost the same. In Skull, Mac was the only double crosser. In Gods, the Nazi betrayed Marion's husband to help the Peruvians. Marion's husband betrayed her, works with the Russians. Indy, Marion, Oxley are on a third side and all are fighting each other and holding each other hostage and the Skull is constantly changing hands. Eventually, all of them are double-crossed by Hispanic guides and left for dead. In the end, the Nazi, Yuri, the Peruvian President, Indy, and Belloq Jr. make it to final chambers, with Marion. The aliens are still the first archaeologists who helped the Indians. The reach the circular throneroom and return the skull (the first to be returned instead of the last), and the special power is that the aliens will grant you whatever you wish. Oxley channels the alien that is put back together. We get this big finale Raiders-type moment, where the 5 guys get a special fantasy cloud that shows them the universe and asks what they want. The Nazi wants Germany to return to Glory, but is vaporized by Hitler. The President wants to be the most fearsome thing and gets turned into a poisonous tree frog (they made an appearance earlier). Belloq Jr. wants knowledge like Spalko and suffers the same result. Indy is torn between everything in the universe and Marion. Eventually he snaps out of it and picks Marion. He then shoots the skull before Yuri wishes. Then the alien gets mad and comes after Indy, to which he says "welcome to Earth" and shoots him in the head. The space ship rises and falls, leaving another mushroom cloud blast. Indy and his crew escape. Yuri is let go.

Verdict. In Skull, Indy stands back at the end and is a spectator. In Gods, he has that moment of temptation and actually has to do something. Gods wins.

Skull end: Indy marries Marion as Ox and Mutt look on.

Gods end: Indy marries Marion as Ox and Henry Sr. look on. Sallah gives Indy a big bear hug. Henry Sr. is proud of Junior and hugs him. By the way, he's also drunk and sings terribly.

Final thoughts: Crystal Skull borrows generously from City of the Gods. It's not even close. I don't know how Darabont didn't get a writing credit on this movie because the whole overall plot is a carbon copy. Gods loses track towards the end because of all its villains (Belloq Jr., Yuri, Nazi, and Peruvian President) whereas Skull just had Spalko and Mac. We lose Mutt, who's not bad, but we gain a great love triangle story line. Seeing Indy jealous is a lot of fun, and even though we'd get all the in-jokes, throwbacks, nukes and monkeys, I'd pick Darabont's script. Thanks a lot George Lucas.

TV: Rerun Season: South Park

*Posted June 5, 2008*

Now it is summer, and most shows have hit their finales, except for Top Chef (finale airs Wednesday, June 11th at 10 pm on Bravo). Even though we will still enjoy watching Deadliest Catch, we aren't big on summer shows like Burn Notice. So, most weeks this summer we will be showing amusing clips from various shows. Since Indy is still on my mind, this week we're showing some clips from South Park's episode, Free Hat. The boys try and stop Steven Spielberg and George Lucas from updating Raiders of the Lost Ark.

FILM: How does Indy 4 compare with the others?

*Posted May 30, 2008*

Here's our breakdown of the 4 Indys

Paramount Fade: Indy has 4 has, hands down, the worst mountain fade (a freaking CG gopher hill) followed by some out of place soundtrack tunes from American Graffiti. Not a great start. The mountain in Raiders is the best, followed by the gong in Temple, then the Utah mountain in Crusade. 1, 2, 3, 4

Opening Action Sequence: Indy 4's warehouse scene was a blast. A little Ark music (plus a glimpse), some humorous chit-chat between Mac and Indy, the great intro to Spalko, and then non-stop action. From running on boxes to crashing cars (bonus points for how Indy jumps in and throws Spalko out of the jeep) to crashing through windows, this is one big treat. But seeing Indy in a modern town/home is uncomfortably out of place. And then the stupid fridge scene. Raiders has the best opening with the boulder, followed by Temple's James Bond-ish diamond chase, then Indy 4, then Crusade's flashback of Indy's first adventure. 1, 2, 4, 3

First Chase: This is the motorcycle scene with Mutt, and thanks to a sweet bike and Indy going from bike to car to bike, is one of the best. But the best is again Raiders with the basket chase. Next is Indy 4, then Crusade's boat chase. Does Temple really have a first chase? Their second big sequence is the innertube down the mountain slope. 1, 4, 3, 2

Second Chase: You won't find anything that beats the Mine Car chase from Temple of Doom, but the Jeep chase in 4 is still good. It's hard to keep track of 3 different jeeps, but Spielberg pulls it off. However, the backgrounds look fake and the monkeys are ridiculous. In Raiders, the truck chase is second best, followed by Crusade's castle escape/motorcycle chase. 2, 1, 3, 4

Finale: Sorry aliens, yours is the worst ending. As I mentioned in the top scenes, it goes Ark opening, bridge cutting, then three challenges. 1, 2, 3, 4

Sidekick: Mutt vs. Sallah vs. Short Round vs. Henry Sr. Seems pretty straightforward to me. I liked how Mutt said "Oh shit" like Indy in Temple, and how Indy said "this is intolerable" like his dad, but the Sallah argument is tough. Sallah was made ten times better because of his appearance in Last Crusade. Is his role in Raiders enough to place second? You bet, but just barely. 3, 1, 4, 2

Villain: Belloq is the best because he is almost Indy's equal, but Spalko's powerhouse performance puts her in a close second. Her accent even seemed good. As for the other two, I always go with brains over brawn. 1, 4, 3, 2

Damsel: Marion set the bar in Raiders, and didn't come close to it in this one. But her few scenes with dialogue put her ahead of Elsa's looks and Willie's.....there was nothing good about Willie. 1, 4, 3, 2

Creepy-Crawlies: The ants were fake. That should settle the debate. What makes it worse is that we already saw hordes of insects chase and engulf people in the Mummy. They improved upon that a little bit, but not enough to beat the bugs. 2, 1, 3, 4

Music: The only two memorable ones from Crystal Skull is Spalko's theme, which rocks, and the two skull themes, both of which were very subtle. But they reuse the Ark theme for the warehouse (no complaints here) and Marion's theme. The scores for the ark and grail and much stronger and more emotional than the skull theme. But the overall best music is Temple of Doom (mine car chase, nocturnal activies, and the temple theme win the battle). 2, 1, 3, 4

MacGuffin: The skull is kinda hokey, especially since it wards off Indians and killer ants, screws with the mind, and looks like it's made out of plastic. Plus in the other 3, the artifact was the source of the great finale and all the supernatural power. In the end, once the skull was brought back, it was the flying saucer that was the real find. 1, 3, 2, 4

Snake reference: I thoroughly enjoyed the dry sand pit snake scene. When the other movies make mention of his fear (Jock's plane, around the campfire with Willie), they always involve a funny Ford face, but this time we also got some funny Ford lines. 4, 1, 2, 3

Overall Opinion: My personal opinion of the quadrilogy goes 1, 3, 4, 2. Do my categories agree?

TOTAL: Raiders: 18 Temple of Doom: 35 Last Crusade: 36 Crystal Skull: 40

FILM: CRYSTAL SKULL REVIEW

*Posted May 30, 2008*

After 20 years, Indy is back, but does he deliver the goods? You better believe it. After seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull three times, my view of the movie hasn't changed. It's as much fun as you want it to be. There definitely are some ridiculous plot points. Indy surviving an atomic bomb by hiding in a fridge almost ruins the films awesome first act. A better suggestion? How bout Indy briefly fights one of the Russians looking for him in that town until the siren and countdown starts. Idiot Russian hides in the fridge and gets vaporized because it is a dumb idea, and Indy finds a bomb shelter (it makes sense, George Lucas, that if the military was testing the bomb's affects on an average town, why not build an average underground shelter and see if it could withstand it?) Indy hides below, takes the blast, then walks through a couple miles of tunnels to the military base where the Janitor from Scrubs can interrogate him. MUCH BETTER! But the film quickly rebounds with some strong scenes at the University (the only times Harrison Ford looks his age is without the hat) and some very welcome tributes to Marcus Brody and Henry Jones, Sr. Next we meet Mutt, who turns out a lot better than most of us hoped, and another gripping action sequence. The film gets better and better until the final act, with all the alien nonsense. Again, if you let that stuff bother you, you'll hate the movie. The ark, sankara stones, and Holy Grail are all farfetched, but aliens is a huuuuggge stretch made worse by the fact that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg love making movies with aliens. The final sequence with the saucer looks nice, but neither the audience nor Indy really cares by that point. The new characters were interesting (with Colonel Doctor Spalko being one of the best of the whole series), the music holds up, and the action was even better than the old movies. The only problem was how fake the movie looked at times. CG gophers, CG jeep chase, CG monkeys (the absolute worst part of the movie! Sympathetic, Russian-hating monkeys saving the day? REALLY?!?!?!? It makes David Koepp seem like an r-tard). After multiple viewings, the film holds up. The good scenes get better, and even the alien storyline improves (remember when Stargate mixed Egypt and aliens? That movie was good, and so is this). Nostalgia alone gives this movie a big boost, it really was worth the wait. You just wish it had a little bit of drama to go with the action/comedy bits. B

P.S. - Considering how this turned out, it could've been a lot worse. It would've been really easy for Lucas to explain why the Ark, Grail, and stones are magical in the first place (the Aliens, of course!). Or if you read the possible script ideas last week, you know how bad it could have been. That doesn't excuse it's dumb parts with nukes or monkeys, just be thankful it was this good.

As Indy week marches on, we are proud to bring you the ten best scenes from the
Indiana Jones trilogy. It will be interesting to see if Crystal Skull
can bring any scenes powerful enough to stand with these heavies. Our
thanks to Andy who briefly tackled the best (he was right on most of
them). In case you are wondering, Raiders fittingly is represented more
than the other two movies. First off, some honorable mentions.

Mine Car Chase - TOD - best chase of the three movies

Indy and Henry tied up in castle/their escape - LC - funny and entertaining

Heart ripped out of chest - TOD - shocking and gruesome and awesome

Fist fight with head oaf - RotLA/TOD - gross endings (propeller/rock crusher) rule

Indy and his digging crew off in the distance - RotLA - filmed in a cool way

10. "Let it Go" - Indiana Jones and the Last CrusadeThe
ending of Last Crusade is an interesting one. Bear in mind we have just
seen Indy rescue his father from the tank and cure his bullet wound
with the Grail. They both are finally showing love and pride and
everyone is winning until moron Elsa crosses the seal. For someone who
is supposedly a very intelligent and resourceful scientist, she
blunders by choosing the wrong Grail (I think she did it on purpose,
but it's not 100% clear) and then by marching over the seal/kicking the
cup into the crevice. After her death, Indy nearly makes the same
mistake, but what makes this scene a gem is not just that Henry calls
him "Indiana" for the first time (although that's the best part), it's
because Henry is 10 feet away from his life's pursuit and must choose
between something that he has obsessed about or his own boy. To his
credit, Henry makes the choice in an instant to save his boy rather
than risk getting the Grail. He's not just telling Indy to let go of
the Grail, he has already made that choice himself, and Sean Connery
pulls it off perfectly.9. Sword vs. Gun - Raiders of the Lost ArkThis
scene perfectly sums up the character of Indiana Jones. It all starts
when Indy and Marion are out for a stroll at the market when bad guys
attack them. The main attraction is when he squares off against the
intimidating swordsman. Rather than take the sword out of his hand with
the whip, he just uses a gun. Indy is not above fighting dirty (later
against the big bald guy, he points down at the ground before
delivering a sucker punch) and that's what we like about him. It's like
using a cheat code. But the basket chase scene in general is a well
thought out chase sequence that has Indy running around knocking over
all these baskets looking for Marion, whose been captured by the bad
guys, and ends with her supposedly blowing up. The scene below has no
sound effects, but not much is spoken anyway, you just miss out on
punch noises and Marion shouting "INNNNNNNNDYYYYY!"BONUS
NOTE: Temple of Doom touches back on this when Indy escapes the mine
and squares off against TWO swordsman (it is a sequel after all). He
grins and reaches for his gun only to find that it is not there, so
uses his whip. He should've done this in Raiders but the rumor is
Harrison Ford has dysentery and suggested a simpler solution.





8.The Three Challenges- Indiana Jones and the Last CrusadeLike
I said earlier in my review, that last segment of Last Crusade is one
big emotional climax, and this is the middle part of that climax. As
opposed to Temple of Doom, where the final conflict was the fisticuffs
between Indy and Mola Ram, this final conflict is more of an Indy vs.
his own faith type of thing. With his dad dying he must decipher the
notes in Henry's journal to get through the Breath of God, the Word of
God, and whatever the forced perspective challenge is called. Each
challenge makes great use of editing between Indy and his father, and
this segment probably has the best score of music in the whole film.
You can tune out after the first 5 minutes. Penitent, penitent...








7. Bugs - Indiana Jones and the Temple of DoomOut
of all the creepy-crawlies designed to make the audience squirm, the
bugs, by far, are the creepiest. The snakes don't really do anything in
Raiders, and you feel bad for the rats in Crusade because they get
incinerated, but here, they crawl on your hands and up your neck and
legs. It's terrible, but in a good way. Combined with the genius bugs
is the trap room of impending doom!!!! Firstly, it showcases how bad it
is to have an inept child sidekick (are you listening, Mutt?). Short
Round springs the closing doors, fails to run over and escape with
Indy, and triggers the spikes and roof. This scene also does a good job
of showing how annoying Willie is, but also how funny it is to hear
Indy yell at her. "WE are GOING to DIIIIEE!" is a hilarious line. Plus
at the end, we get the iconic sliding under the falling door, then
reaching back to get your hat. If nothing else, Temple of Doom was
nonstop action, and the trap room is just another in a long line of
good messes that Indy gets himself into.









6. the Bridge - Indiana Jones and the Temple of DoomThe
finale of Temple of Doom, I just enjoy the simplicity of it. No big set
pieces, no CGI, just a bridge, and all the suspense that comes with it.
The highlight of this scene is the cutting of the bridge by Indy and
when Indy says "Oh, shit' (it's things like this and the ripping out of
hearts that earned Temple of Doom the PG-13 rating). The big let down
of this scene and the movie in general is the Sankara stones. In the
Raiders finale, the Ark kills everyone in a big display of God's wrath
(more on that later). In Last Crusade, the Grail heals Indy's father
and brings about the demise of Donovan and Elsa. But here, what do the
Sankara stones do? It's the finale, and, oooooo, they turn red-hot and
burn through the bag. Okay, it causes Mola Ram to fall, but seriously,
what a let down. Then again, this scene is on here because of the
Bridge, not because of the stones.5. "Snakes, why'd it have to be snakes?" - Raiders of the Lost ArkWhat
sucks about this is that there are absolutely NO videos of this on the
internet anywhere. Are you kidding? One of the most memorable scenes
(and the 5th best) and yet it's nowhere to be found. To briefly recap,
the scene goes down like this.
Sallah: Indy, why does the floor move?*Indy throws down torch, we see lots of snakes on the ground**Indy rolls on his side and looks up in a big moment of self-doubt*Indy: Snakes....why'd it have to be snakes?Sallah: Asps, very dangerous. *pats Indy* You go first.*Indy is lowered down into the Well of Souls, there is a ring of torches that keeps the snakes away**The
rope breaks and Indy falls to the floor and comes face to face with a
cobra (for reference, look at the picture after the TV section)*Sallah (shouting): SEE? I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE ALRIGHT! GWA HAH!After
this, Indy and Sallah get the Ark (first time we see it) and raise it
up, but the baddies show up and seal Indy down there with Marion. A
wonderful scene if for no other reason than Indy facing his fear to get
to the Ark.BONUS
NOTE: Since Spielberg and Lucas are big nerds, they included etches of
C-3P0 and R2-D2 among the hieroglyphics in the Well of Souls.

4. the Boulder- Raiders of the Lost ArkIf
there is one scene more memorable than the snakes, it has to be the
boulder. It sets the tone for the entire series. Every outrageous stunt
and narrow escape in all adventure films after Raiders, and not just
Indy movies (think the Mummy, Tomb Raider, etc.) can thank the boulder
scene for its inspiration because it allows filmmakers to dream up
really big and crazy traps. Other than that, the boulder scene sets the
stage for how Indy will handle all of his other problems. He thinks
he's got it all figured out, but the bag of sand isn't right, which
causes the roof to collapse, so he flees, only to face the arrows from
the wall. He has to surrender the treasure but is forced to jump across
the gap and thinks he can pull himself up, only the root gives a bit.
And once he narrowly gets under the door, he's got the boulder to deal
with. And after escaping all of that, he loses to Belloq. After the
scene, he is forced to run even more to avoid the natives. No matter
what Indy does, he can't help but go from one mess to another mess, but
of course we can always count on him to escape. Because it hooks you
from the start, this scene gets number four.

3. Donovan shoots Henry - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

This one may
be a scene that some will question. To make matters worse, no clip
exists of this either, so it's hard for me to prove my point. But this
is one of the most powerful scenes in the trilogy even though we
probably know that Henry will survive. Still, think about Indy's other
tagalongs for a moment. This was the first time the villain went to
this kind of extreme with Indy. Marion was just held hostage. Short
Round's a kid, and you cannot kill kids. Willie was lowered into lava,
but it was slow and drawn out and we knew Indy would save her. But in
Last Crusade, it happens of all of sudden. "You know what, Dr. Jones,
you're absolutely right." BANG! Sean Connery again nails a pivotal
moment, and so does Ford. This is the first part of that big emotional
climax that makes last Crusade so good. But again, it's not some big
loud fight, even though Indy wants to tear Donovan's head off. It's
something that Indy has to do on his own. "...it's time to ask yourself
what you believe." The second best ending from the second best of the
trilogy.

2. Map Room at Dawn - Raiders of the Lost ArkThis
is another tough one. I guess it's vital to the story and it serves a
purpose. But there's no grand significance to it. I just enjoy the
music and the fact that his stick works is really cool. A very powerful
scene, and one that I enjoy very much.

1. The Opening of the Ark - Raiders of the Lost Ark

The
best scene in the whole trilogy. First off, it's the big finale where
we finally get to see what is inside the ark. Remember, this is the
first of the three and we don't know if the artifact will actually live
up to the legend. Indy knows how stupid and dangerous it is to believe
in the mythology behind the objects. It really could just be nothing,
or dust that does nothing. Hats off to the genius Spielberg for
actually teasing the audience with sand before we actually get the big
payoff, and what a payoff it is. We first get a beautiful little show
of light and music and spirits (thanks Lucas) but when things turn
terrible, the effects almost hold up, and this is after 30 years! The
dispatching of the three head villains is incredible, yet laughable,
and completely memorable. Belloq's scream is awesome, the music is
still awesome, and the pull away where we see the whole island and just
the beam is light is well done. My only gripe? That if you shut your
eyes, you'll be safe. I guess it's cause us mortals aren't worthy
enough to look upon the Ark, but whatever. It's just something Indy
says and you nod along, saying "yeah, just don't look!" And the fact
that after this they just end up stowing it away at Area 51 is the
perfect ending to my number 2 movie of all time.

SMALL TALK WITH DAVE: Indy Week

*Posted May 20, 2008*

Instead of giving you something from the Indy Canon (trilogy, tv show, and to a lesser extent, the video games), I will instead tell you about some of the scripts that were written for Indy 4 since the lights went up on the Last Crusade. Thankfully, they were never used. So put on that leather jacket, don't eat those dates, and follow me into the realm of a few Indiana Jones movies that weren't.

Script: INDIANA JONES AND THE MONKEY KING

(this was written back in 1985 as a follow up to Temple of Doom. it was ultimately rejected though then considered as a follow up to Last Crusade).

Writer: Chris Columbus (writer of The Goonies, director of Home Alone and the first two Harry Potter movies)

Plot: Indy heads to Africa to find the lost civilization of Sun Wu-Kung, the legendary Chinese Monkey King, who is said to have a Garden of Immortal Peaches that can grant eternal life. Monkey King script is filled with elaborately-imagined action sequences, which would've made this a $200 million dollar movie, even back in 1985. Apparently, Spielberg liked the action so much, he borrowed some of Columbus' set pieces for Last Crusade (the Venice boat chase and the tank pursuit both have their origins in this script). Columbus can write action, but he writes insane crazy action, crazy on a level that's appropriate for the Mummy movies, but not Indiana Jones. There IS a sequence where Indy rides a rhino while chasing a tank, and there's an extended battle at the end with Indy organizing an army of African pygmies and super-smart gorillas to battle an army of Nazis Ewok-style. I'm not shitting you, there's a bit where the gorilla starts driving a tank. Plus it opens with a bizarre sequence where Indy is fighting a banshee in a Scottish castle and it has NO relevance to the rest of the story (just something that happened on his vacation).There is also a part where Indy's lovelorn grad student, Betsy, attempts to commit suicide again and again because Dr. Jones won't return her affection, and Indy couldn't care less. (He's mad that she almost ruins his whip by trying to hang herself with it.) Now I know some girls probably would do that after working with Dr. Jones, but you can't put it on screen! And Betsy remains a punching-bag for the rest of the script. Columbus' foreigner policy in this is one-note (the Scots are all drunks, the Africans are simple primitives) And we're not even getting to the fact that Indy DIES at the end of the The Monkey King, only to be resurrected by Sun Wu-Kung, who tells Dr. Jones that he has enjoyed watching his adventures from the heavens. How do you say "gay" in Chinese?

Script: INDIANA JONES AND THE SAUCER MEN FROM MARS

(i'm not kidding. that's the title)

Writer: Jeb Stuart (writer of Die Hard and The Fugitive))

Plot: Set in the 1950s, Indy gets left at the altar by his linguist fiancée (no foolin'), so he follows her to White Sands, New Mexico, where he discovers that the U.S. Government has obtained a strange alien knick-knack from a crashed flying-saucer. But both the Russians (and some little green men) want the artifact for themselves. Any hardcore Indy fanboy would like the wedding portion of the script - not because Indy takes the plunge (he falls in love very early), but because of all the cameos. Not only does Henry Jones Sr. show up again as the best man, but we get Sallah and Short Round as ushers and Willie Scott and Marion Ravenwood show up to take Indy out drinking after he gets dumped. (The best exchange is when Marion and Willie mentioned that they can't believe that Indy found someone, and Sallah comments, "You mean other than yourselves?") The script also does a nice job of working in references to Indiana's age and how the good doctor is functioning in the 1950s. (We learn that he was an American spy during World War II.) For an Indiana Jones story, there's a disturbing lack of globe-trotting in "Saucer Men from Mars." Aside from an opening sequence in Borneo, Indy travels between New Jersey and New Mexico, and that's it. Talk about the most boring map montage ever. Also some of the 1950s American government/A-Bomb/Roswell conspiracy stuff is handled pretty heavy-handedly. There's a ridiculous moment where Indy survives an atomic blast at a bomb test site by hiding in a refrigerator (?!). The aliens within Saucer Men are seemingly beyond generic - an apparent mixture of the aliens from Close Encounters and Signs with even less backstory. It also features a stone cylinder - an ET power source - covered in markings that hint that the aliens have been coming to Earth for centuries. For some unknown reason, it's also a ticking time bomb that needs to be placed in a specific altar on a specific mountain or else... bad stuff will happen. That's all the explanation that's given. The Ark, the Sankara Stones, and the Holy Grail all had centuries of mythology to wrap around those artifacts. This Saucer Men alien icon has nothing - we get weird Communion-esque aliens and a flying saucer dogfight that feels like something out of Independence Day. Thank God, Lucas actually used something out of real archeology - the Crystal Skulls (though their origins are widely debated) - to tie in the alien aspect of Indy 4 rather than this new age shit.

Script: UNTITLED INDIANA JONES IV

Writer: Frank Darabont's Indy 4 script

Plot: No idea what this is really about, only that it was a close candidate to get green-lit. There may be a lot of Darabont's script in David Koepp's Crystal Skull script, but I have no clue how to find that how, so here's what we know. Darabont himself commented recently that the whole "Shia as the son of Indy" aspect never appeared in his script. He told MTV that "That’s a whole new element that’s been brought in. Shia? I don’t remember writing that character." Darabont also mentioned that he considered writing the script - a screenplay that apparently both Spielberg and Ford wanted to film until Lucas refused to accept it - "a waste of a year... At this point, I don't give much of a damn what George thinks, but I wouldn't want to harm my friendship with Steven". Darabont later told MTV that he wasn't holding a grudge and wanted to move on. For the nerdiest Indy fans, who remember Darabont's work on the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, there's a lot of buzz surrounding this draft. I think it uses the fabled Lucas MacGuffin too.

*Other rumored titles for Indiana Jones 4 were The City of Gods’, 'The Lost Continent', ‘The Destroyer of Worlds’, ‘The Fourth Corner of the Earth’, ‘The Lost City of Gold’, and finally, ‘The Quest for the Covenant’

*Other supposed plotlines included Indy on an adventure with his brother (rumored to be Kevin Costner at the time)

URBAN LEGEND: Indy Week

*Posted May 20, 2008*

I guess I’m forced to write something about Indiana Jones during Indy week. I mean the movies are great, I grew up on them, but they are not as great as Dan and Dave proclaim, and certainly not to the level of the Matrix Reloaded. Let’s take a look at the best scene from each film in the trilogy.

Raiders of the Lost Ark - 1981

Ahh yes, the best movie of the trilogy, and it also produced one of the better scenes in film history.Marion’s headpiece, and the finding of the location of the Well of Souls. Look what this scene has.Director - Spielberg, Producer - Lucas, Actor - Ford, Composer - Williams, not too bad. The lowering of Indiana Jones into the Map room, the using of

Temple of Doom - 1984

The middle installment, which is also a prequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark, is generally considered to be the worst of the trilogy.I basically concur, but Doom is still a fine film and it produces the best chase scene of the entire trilogy.The mine car chase beats out the truck chase in Raiders as well as both the boat and tank chases in Crusade.

(*Editors Note:* Except that the real chase scene in Crusade is the motorcycle chase, Andy)

The Last Crusade - 1989

It was tough to pick a top scene from Crusade.Indy seeing the white panama hat float by in the water, the tomb of Sir Richard, Indy’s fight with Vogel on the tank, the cool old knight, etc are all excellent, but I was always fond of the final moment, the final scene.It has Indy riding off into the sunset with his father and his top two sidekicks, Sallah and Marcus Brody.

FILM: Last Crusade Review

*Posted May 20, 2008*

Last Crusade goes back to the trilogy's roots with a more personal movie. Instead of the great chemistry between Indy and Marion, we get the great chemistry between Indy and his dad, plus we get another Christian relic. Last Crusade deals with the search for the Holy Grail and also Henry, Sr. Once again, same, dependable ingredients: Lots of action scenes (boat chase, motorcycle chase, Indy vs. tank), a great villain (just like Raiders, we get a bookworm and a soldier), and a love interest that works. Elsa is a vast improvement from Willie Scott because she's a drop dead gorgeous intellectual who pulls a fast one on Indy by being evil (bonus points for banging Henry, Sr.). It's so easy to take for granted the other things that turn out so well because they've been this way throughout the entire series (music and cinematography, art direction), but the new dynamic that Crusade executes so well is the father-son story. We clearly see the tough relationship they've had throughout their lives, but they finally bond over this shared quest. Indy becomes proud of his father (thanks to the birds), and Henry finally is able to show his love for Indy (after he almost goes off a cliff). The final sequence that starts with Henry getting shot by Donovan and ending with Indy healing him is one great big emotional climax in the story. Henry taking a bullet is heartbreaking, not only for Indy but for us, and Indy's progression through the three challenges, surviving only because he's got his dad's diary to help him, is one big payoff for the audience. Last Crusade provides a satisfying conclusion with its personal and much needed light-hearted touch. A
Henry: Genius of the restoration- Marcus: Aid our own resuscitation!

FILM: Temple of Doom Review

*May 20, 2008*

The least liked of the three films, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom had a hard act to follow. It really is impossibly to catch lightning in a bottle twice, so rather than trying for a similar home run, Lucas and Co. developed a story out of left field (I hate baseball). Indy is back in a prequel where he is looking for Sankara stones, but the film starts a bit rocky. It begins with a lousy musical, followed by a cool James Bond-ish scene and shootout, but then we start hearing Willie Scott talk...and talk...and talk. Her scream is grating and her constant whining makes us miss Marion terribly. But the other pieces of the puzzle remain in place. The damsel category is seriously lacking, but another awesome score, more cool stunts (mine car chase, jumping out the window onto the awnings, and RIPPING SOMEONE'S HEART OUT!). The film goes dark and stays dark, with kids in slavery and probably sexually abused. The scene where Indy drinks blood from a shrunken head then slips into a screaming nightmare is especially spooky. We still get more fun set pieces like the trap room and the bridge that is cut in half. All in all, a very capable sequel whose only major drawback is the utterly useless and annoying Willie Scott. B-
Fat Merchant: "Ah, dessert! Chilled monkey brains!"

FILM: Raiders of the Lost Ark Review

*Posted May 20, 2008*

It's hard to believe that Raiders of the Lost Ark is nearly 30 years old, because it still holds up in all aspects. If someone watched it now for the first time, it would be really hard for them to guess that this is an early 80s movie. We are introduced to Indiana Jones, an archeology professor who also does some freelance archeology on the weekends. Everything about the story is top-notch. There are crazy stunt sequences, including the iconic boulder scene, but also interesting and captivating chases (the basket game in the market). Raiders features a top-notch villain, heroine, and sidekick. Belloq is actually a likable advesary, Marion is the best kind of damsel (one who drinks and jokes and punches, but also cleans up nice and smooches), and Sallah just plain rules as Indy's Egyptian friend. Let's not forget the amazing score and cinematography, but the main praise goes to Top Ten's favorite action icon, Harrison Ford. He flat out nails Indy, a character that is not afraid to fight dirty against a bigger opponent, who sees the sense in using a gun in a sword fight, and who can't help but get out of one mess only to land in another. He's an adventurer that isn't shy about his fear of snakes, but he's also a damn good academic, as his hot student with "Love You" written on her eyelids will tell you (her eyelids might as well have said "Rape Me"). Basically, every relationship in this movie has the right chemistry, and the plot progresses perfectly to a grand finale that's fitting for Indy. Even though he saves the day (kinda) and the girl, they still take the Ark away from him. A+
Indy: "Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?"

WEB: 'Last Crusade' Spoof

This really isn't that funny, but it is amusing if you're a fan of Last Crusade. The joke runs a lot longer than it should, overall the skit gets a B-.

Watch If you've seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade more than twice, you should watch this skit. on CollegeHumor

TV: A look back at 'Young Indiana Jones'

*Posted May 20, 2008*

The 'edutainment' series that ran in the early 90's, the Adventures of Young Indiana Jones drew on the Indy character as a kid and a teenager and used him to go on interesting historical adventures. PROS: It taught kids about history, developed the relationship between Indy and his dad, featured a Harrison Ford cameo as Indy in his 50's (with a beard, thanks to the Fugitive). CONS: Old Indy from present day (1992) had an eye patch and a daughter, and it is kind of laughable how Indy was the original Forrest Gump. As a kid, he encountered Elliot Ness, Al Capone, Laurence of Arabia, Picasso, Tolstoy, Panco Villa, Hemingway, Sigmund Freud, Winston Churchill, Teddy Roosevelt, and many others. Still, critics liked it, and if you are a huge fan of the Indy universe, check it out.

Indy: How did you know she was a Nazi?

Henry: She talks in her sleep.

VIDEO GAMES: Indy LEGO Adventures on sale June 3rd

Play the entire Indy trilogy in the LEGO universe. It's the same concept as LEGO Star Wars, which was loads of fun.

Chattar Lal: "I should say you look rather lost. But then I can't imagine where in the world the three of you would look at home."

FILM: First Reviews of Indy 4 Mixed

*Posted May 20, 2008*

In every interview that George Lucas has given this year, he has talked about the expectations of Indy 4. He knows that die-hard fans cannot possibly be satisfied and that critics (who never really cared for the original trilogy back in the day) will probably hate it. Turns out that George was half right. The critics are less than impressed, but the fans response has been phenomenal. It's hard to gauge whether they think Crystal Skull is a good film, but the nostalgia and sheer elation that comes with an Indy movie is too much to overlook. Thankfully, we here at Top Ten are film fans first, film critics second. Some analysts believe that Indy could generate somewhere in the $150 million range over the 5-day Memorial period. That, in turn, could lead to more Indy adventures. But still, what were the critics really expecting? At its heart the Raiders trilogy has always followed the same formula. Priority 1: Actions, stunts, and chases. Priority 2: Indy being Indy. Priority 3: A sidekick here, a dame there...oh, and some MacGuffin. Any movie that follows that formula is not looking to be a critical darling (with the exception of Raiders acclaim), it's just looking to have good old-fashioned fun.

News of the Weird (brought to you by theraider.net)

While filming the whipping scene in Temple of Doom, the crew played a practical joke on Harrison Ford. Chained to a large stone, Barbra Streisand appeared, dressed in a leather dominatrix outfit. She proceeded to whip him, saying "That's for Hanover Street, the worst movie I ever saw." She continued whipping him for Star Wars, and making all of that money. Carrie Fisher then threw herself in front of Ford to protect him, and Irvin Kershner (director of Empire Strikes Back) chided director Steven Spielberg. "Is this how you run your movies?" It's rumored that this entire sequence was filmed.

Belloq: "Dr. Jones... Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away."

FILM: CRYSTAL SKULL PREMIERES THIS WEEKEND

*Posted May 20, 2008*

The excitement and anticipation are at their highest levels as the nearly 20 year wait is over. In the past year alone, we've been dealt with Indy updates every week, I was actually worried that it would take away from the finished product. When I first watched the original trilogy, I had no prior knowledge of the actors, directors, or production process. I simply enjoyed getting lost in this crazy 1930s adventure. But in the past year there has been constant threat of spoilers and leaks and trailers and pictures and interviews and now early reviews and press screenings. Still, anyone who is an Indy fan must be in heaven now. I have already bought the Crystal Skull Indy action figure, complete with gray hair and forehead wrinkles. I just put my Last Crusade t-shirt (that is at least a size too small, no longer white, and has nasty pit stains) in the wash and am ready to go. Opening night is almost upon us! Can you remember the last time your entire family (kids, parents, grandparents) all had a chance to the movies and have a good time? Indy is that kind of film. So enjoy Memorial weekend, I hope to see you there.

Henry: "May he who illuminated this...illuminate me."