Tuesday, February 23, 2010

LOST Running Diary: Lighthouse

I regret not live blogging the first epic episode of the year (and one of the last Locke-centric stories we'll see), and I won't make that mistake twice. Tonight, Doc Shephard is batting cleanup and he's going to bring it hard. Last week, Terry O'Quinn showed up the entire cast, and if anyone can match the intensity, it's Big Jack (and hopefully Christian as well).

8:59 - Isn't it great that we don't have to wait until 9:02 to start episodes thanks to Grey's Anatomy running over?
9:00 - Previously on LOST.... we showed everyone how dumb the Temple is... and now we'll bring Claire back. -1
9:01 - Looks like LOST is sticking with the mirror motif as seen in every other episode this season... and another mysterious scar for Jack. I'm intrigued. +2
9:02 - So much for a mysterious scar, it's from the appendectomy that he got as a kid (or rather the one Juliet gave him in season 4). The timelines are beginning to merge!!! +2
9:03 - Nice to see Jack still driving the junky Jeep in the alt. timeline.
"I'm sorry, David."
"It's okay, Dad." WHAT?!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Who's the mom? Hot Sarah from Modern Family?!?!? +10
9:04 - JACOB RETURNS!?!?!?! So does the awesome Jacob music. And he says that someone is coming to the Island and Hurley has the help them find it!!! Could it be Desmond... Widmore? Could it be the person that Jacob was referring to in the finale when he said "They're coming?" +8

Commercial Break 1: Here's your answer, and it's so simple. The people are coming from the OTHER TIMELINE!!!!

9:07 - Looks like David is having good old Daddy issues, like every other Shephard. But just like regular Jack, flashsideways Jack is showing infinite patience. I would've punched that kid in the face a long time ago. I mean, what kind of jerk kid doesn't want to visit Grandma? -3
9:09 - Stupid Claire returns, looking pretty terrible. I already don't care about her and Jin. -5
9:10 - Hurley is on his way to probably light the Lighthouse. "Nothin... just, you know, looking... because I'm a big fan of temples... and, uh, history.... Indiana Jones stuff." Hurley is having an awesome episode. "I'm a candidate and I can do what I want." "Why don't you go back to the courtyard?" Three straight zingers from Hugo!!!!!!!! Holy crap, I can't even type fast enough to explain how fantastic and hilarious this sequence was. Dogen, Hurley, and Jacob might steal this episode. +15

Commercial Break 2: Dave correctly points out that the "You have what it takes?" line that Jacob fed to Hurley to convince Jack to go may have to do with the Season 1 episode, White Rabbit. After getting his ass kicked, kid Jack went to Christian, who told him "Don't try to be the hero, Jack.... cause when you fail... you just don't have what it takes."

9:18 - Woo. Hoo. More Claire. Just to show you how inept Claire is, even though she spent the same amount of time on the Island as Rose and Bernard, she could only manage building a rundown homeless shelter while they had a legit house. Oh, and she also has some crazy Aaron sacrifice goin on.... insane... -6
9:19 - She is definitely Rousseau volume 2. Catchin' Others, preaching about Infections, going baby-crazy... at least Rousseau was hot. Says the black Other, "If we don't get out of here now, she's going to kill us both." I'm dying from boredom... -4
9:20 - Ohhhhhh great. Jack stumbles upon useless Kate and breaks some bad news to her about Claire. Dave's quip: "I almost shot you, Jack. More like she almost shot at him and hit the tree 5 feet away from him instead." "Dude, Jacob said just you and me... she's kinda not invited." Hugo is slaying me with his zingers. Anytime someone bashes Kate right in front of her, sign me up. +8
9:23 - Christian Shephard's will... time for a bombshell? Nevermind, it's about stupid Claire Littleton. -1
9:25 - Congrats to Kwon Jin Soo for the weekly "Why would I do that?" line. +3
9:26 - Any ideas on Claire's "friend?" Jacob? Charlie? Smokey? I'm trying really hard to care about this. +1

Commercial Break 3: I think we can all agree that Claire is going to grease that Other. I should also probably add the Shephard family reunion (Jack, Claire, and Christian) to my season wishlist only because we need to see some more Jack tears. The over/under on seconds until Jack cries when they meet up is 12.5 seconds. I dare you to take the over.

9:30 - Hurley is wearing the biggest t-shirt/mumu I've ever seen. Jack wisely admits that he'd make a terrible father, which he is in the sideways universe. THE CAVES!!!!! What a welcome return! Will we learn the identities of Adam and Eve? "I was chasing the ghost of my dead father." Has Jack ever been more willing to share info with others than this season? I'm loving it. +15
9:32 - Before I could make a joke about deadbeat dads and pizza, Dave beat me to it. "Best dad ever. Estranged doctor dads who have their kids for the weekend think alike." HAH! As Smokey would say, "Inside joke..." +5
9:34 - Ohhhhh, could it be.... YES!!! JACK'S CRYING!!!! Combine that with Daddy issues and jungle treks, and this is classic LOST. +10
9:35 - Why is Jack here? "I came back here because I was broken. And I was stupid enough to think this place could fix me." HUGE. +5
9:36 - And there's the lighthouse... with a heavy taste of CG graphics. "Why haven't we seen this before?" Good question, Jack. We are thinking the same thing... -5
9:38 - Kill him, Claire... Kill him! Jin spills his guts about Aaron (shouldn't he have done that a while ago?) And yes! Claire does her first cool thing in years and guts the Other. +2

Commercial Break 4: Okay, it's time to ask the obvious. Kate is looking for Claire, but Claire wants Aaron back, and you can bet that the writer's will mine that emotional gold by reuniting mother with son. Jacob announced the arrival of someone important. Jack and Hurley are about to light up the house. So I ask, will that person be... Aaron?

9:42 - I'm liking this lighthouse trek music... and the doc kickin' down doors. Try not to faint, ladies. +2
9:43 - Little Dave Shephard is playing the worst song in piano history. It would be cooler if he was playing the chords to LOST favorite "Life and Death," the same song Jack played in Season 3 on pian0. DOGEN!!!!!!! "How rong has he been praying?" Deadbeat Dad doesn't know... -3
9:46 - Yep. He said 108 degrees. Wait-- there is a lot of freaky crap happening right now in the lighthouse. Jack is seeing visions of temples and buildings, the freakin' NUMBERS are written on the dial!!! I'm definitely rewinding and looking at those names later. WHOA!!!! When the dial is turned to 23 degrees (Shephard), his childhood house appears in the mirror. MIND. FUCKING. BLOWN. (Jack tears thrown in for good measure). +25
9:48 - Oooooooooooo Jack does something that old Man of Science Jack would do: bash the mirror because of a lack of answers. What a waste.... +5

Commercial Break 5: Okay, a lot of info to quickly digest. Too bad we won't get to see what was in the mirror for the other castaway's degrees. And too bad that they can't set it at 108 degrees to steer in our mystery guest. And too bad Jacob didn't show up and save the day with his smirk and stubble. Christian still has not appeared, and I wish I would've paid more attention to the credits to see if he's even in it.

9:52 - Time for the flashsideways climax. DON'T BE THE HERO, DAVID!!! Jack is bustin out the greatest Dad speech/Jack tears in show history. I may have to Skype my Pops in Paraguay and tell him I have what it takes. +15
9:55 - Jacob and his smirk!!! "You have ink on your forehead." Classic Jacob. "Jack is here because he has to do something."
9:57 - Something bad is coming to the Temple. Is Smokey too simple to be the answer? +10
9:58 - Hmmm... Jin is laying on the lies big time, and stupid Claire is buying every word. What an idiot. "If Kate was raising Aaron, I'd Kill her." Kate sucks. So does Claire. SMOKEY IS HER FRIEND. WE KINDA THOUGHT THAT BUT ITS STILL SWEET. +20

L O S T.

Totally arbitrary final score: 135, the highest in running diary history by far.

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