It's Thursday night. You can't think of anything better than Diet Mountain Dew and Slim Jims to keep up the energy for Saturday night. Your loser workplace is having a "Penguins Support Day" tomorrow, but that's within dress code: i.e. no T-shirts, no jerseys. You can stand at the water cooler and speculate with a bunch of jobbers who are still talking about Ovechkin leaving his skates. You can dream of all the ways you'd go Sayid on Marian Hossa. Or you can just get down.
1. Malkin -- "Feel Good (Feel Great)"
Yeah, Mom and Dad are my good luck, too. Admittedly tamer than Bale's bombastic bitchfest, Malkin clips come together nicely to some icy beats. Since Natalia and Vladimir started popping up at more games than Natalie and Mario (and in pleb seats I've probably sat in), Geno's got more energy and charisma than this Euro-inspired technotron that reaffirms the Malkins, their faith in hockey, and the way we all feel two days before the Finals riding high from a sweep.
2. Crosby -- "Slow Motion"
He's on fire right now-- take him down a peg or two and make fun of his girly laugh or the fact that he knows more Friends quotes than [staff writer] Dave! Then watch the YouTube video (again) of him stick handling the crap out of Lemieux's kid. What's reassuring to me, at these two days before finals, is that our C is a dork, and he's focused on jobbin' and hockey, nothing else. Except maybe "The One Where Chandler Can't Cry."
3. "Filet O' Pens"
There are lots of reasons you can attribute to the painful loss last year. (Do a YouTube search for "Pittsburgh Penguins 2008 Stanley Cup Song!!" and you'll see a plausible one, I won't dare embed.)
Yes, it's pretty lame among others (even "Hey There Malone" is disputably more entertaining), "Filet" has got less pomp and fuss than the above-mentioned, but could it be epic on another angle? Okay, it's not gonna be the "Polamalu" song of the 2009 Stanley Cup run that ignites Steel Town and brings fame to a Holy Trinity Catholic alum, but it's too excellent that someone combined the Pittsburgh Penguins with the TV commercial campaign that should have kept Jesus in the tomb this past Lent so it never had to end. I don't know about you guys, but I know no team has ever lost in the Stanley Cup Finals twice. Makes me feel like singin'.