Wednesday, April 29, 2009

TOP TEN Bromances by Herb

*Posted December 31, 2008*

Remember a year or two ago when everyone loved saying the word 'metrosexual?" It was an effeminate adjective for straight men who were secure in their sexuality, and it was annoying as all hell. Well, now we have another annoying, girly adjective for straight men -- bromance, used to describe the ultra close friendship that guys share. Bromances don't solely revolve around talking sports, and as the following 10 couples can tell you, it involves a lot of love.

10. Bret and Jemaine - "FOTC"
The greatest two-man New Zealand band playing one of the more hapless two-man bands on TV, Bret and Jemaine are also best buds and roommates. No matter how many times somewhat quits/is fired from the band, they always get back together. I was inclined to put Turtle and Drama ahead because Bret and Jemaine turned down a threesome whereas Turtle and Drama went through with theirs. But, in the end, Bromances are more about love and less about lust. The Conchords are in.
Most Bromantic Moment: Jemaine cheers up Bret by singing to him.

9. Riggs and Murtaugh - "Lethal Weapon"
In the great pantheon of buddy cop pairings, Riggs and Murtaugh are not only the most bromantic, but they are probably one of the only good pairings. De Niro and Eddie Murphy? Rubbish. Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal? Laughable, and not in a good way. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker (or any Jackie Chan pairing)? Pure shit. Whereas Tango and Cash were all about one-upping each other, the Lethal Weapon series had the love and tears that Bromantics like. Riggs, the suicidal widower loose cannon, found comfort in family man Murtaugh. Also, the Lethal Weapon series never tried to play up the racial disparities for garbage jokes like other stinky buddy cop films. That being said, I hope the rumors of a Lethal Weapon 5 are false. The screen needs more Gibby, but not like that.
Most Bromantic Moment: Murtaugh, while taking a dump, realizes there's a bomb on the toilet. Riggs has to pull him off, and they share a moment.

8. Randall and Dante - "Clerks"
These guys have the perfect work relationship. They sit around doing meaningless jobs, making fun of customers, and talking about Star Wars. A lot of us have had jobs like that, but Clerks was one of the first movies to showcase it so effortlessly. As Tim from UK Office would say, you can pick your mates, but you can't pick your co-workers (even though you spend more time with them than anyone). Randall and Dante lucked out with they ended up working side by side, and did a lot of the best friend stuff. Working, playing (hockey on the roof), adventures (the funeral), fighting, crying, and professing their undying friendship. Too bad Clerks 2 kind of sucked.
Most Bromantic Moment: In stinky Clerks 2, Randall breaks down and tells Dante how he really feels.

7. Seth and Evan - "Superbad"
Easily the funniest couple on the list. After Superbad, the real Seth and Evan tried to mine more bromance gold by making Pineapple Express. Too bad for them that the fictional Seth and Evan were a hundred times better than Seth and James Franco. Maybe it just has more to do with identifying with the source material. I can identify with work friendships and roommate friendships, but not so much with shooting-bad-guys-with-my-drug-dealer friendships. I would rank them higher on the list, but it took a lot of alcohol for them to proclaim their love for each other.

Most Bromantic Moment: What I just said.

6. Sean and Christian - "Nip/Tuck"
The first of three doctor pairings, Sean and Christian seem to have, by far, the most complicated relationship on the list. Just between Julia and Matt, it's understandable to see why the Doctors McNamara and Troy often fight and even break up. But in the end, it's actually pretty simple. They're best buds and they'll always stick together (they even leave everything behind to move from Miami to L.A. together). These two have done everything together except the gay sex (although I remember one of them having a fantasy about the other). No match on this list has more baggage than these two, and it's nice to see them still going strong. The second half of season 5 just started, so keep watching.

Most Bromantic Moment: I could've gone with Sean giving Christian a rectal exam (purely medical), but this one's a little more sappy and emotional.

5. Joey and Chandler - "Friends"
Probably the blandest pairing on the list, but only because Friends is a mainstream sitcom. After more than a decade as roommates/neighbors, I'm scratching my head and I can only think of two major conflicts: Joey moving out after becoming a big soap star (only to return), and them loving the same woman. The other 9 and 3/4 seasons were spent goofing around (foosball, leather chairs, Baywatch at 4, and other inside jokes). This is the first couple on the list that separated in the end. Chandler moved to the suburbs with Monica, Erica, and Jack, and loser Joey went on to star in a failed sitcom.
Most Bromantic Moment: Joey lets Chandler out of the box, which is not on the internet, so here's a clip of them missing each other.

4. Shaun and Ed - "Shaun of the Dead"
While researching this topic, a lot of people seem to think that Hot Fuzz had the better Frost/Pegg bromance. The reason I prefer Shaun and Ed is because, in SotD, there was also a love storyline between Shaun and Liz. The point of the whole Bromance thing is that guys can be secure in their sexuality and have wives and girlfriends, they just want that close bff thing that girls always seem to have. In Hot Fuzz, there was no chick, just two dudes becoming best buds. They didn't have time to develep the in-jokes, conflicts, and rituals that Shaun and Ed had.
Most Bromantic Moment: Ed's heartfelt goodbye, but that's not easily found, so here's them dancing.

3. Frodo and Sam - "LOTR"
The most likely to be gay couple on the list, Frodo and Sam went on a great adventure that involved a lot of holding, cuddling, and "oh, Sam..." moments. It's a good thing Pete Jackson went out of his way to show Sam's wedding and children, because morons who didn't read the books (like myself) would be including them on a very different list. But it's okay because they needed each other, and Middle Earth would be run by Sauron right now if it weren't for the loyalty, affection, compassion, and undying love of Frodo and Sam. On an unrelated LOTR matter, I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, "Frodo lost. Bush has the Ring." Is that not the coolest and yet most enraging Bush-related bumper sticker? I love it...and it enrages me.
Most Bromantic Moment: This clip from the LOTR musical that makes them look more gay than bromantic.

2. J.D and Turk - "Scrubs"
When I first heard the term 'bromance' a year and a half ago, it was in a USA Today article that talked about J.D. and Turk, so I guess we could call them trailblazers in making this a mainstream thing. J.D. and Turk seem more the married couple than Turk and Carla, and everyone in the show seems to agree. In the season premiere this past week alone, we had J.D. and Turk planning their annual Steak Night and we had J.D. putting his hand on Turk's heart rather than his shoulder because he likes it more. Watch the show and you'll see 2 examples in almost every episode.

Most Bromantic Moment: Their "Guy Love" duet.

1. House and Wilson - "House"
The most volatile Bromance on the list (House almost cost Wilson his job at least 3 or 4 times), House and Wilson like to get in an argument in pretty much every episode. Wilson is House's only friend who feels the need to point out what's really going on with House's actions (usually he's just pushing people away because he's afraid). But, when they aren't arguing, they are goofing around, playing pranks on each other, or just hanging out. The highlight of their friendship was Wilson's relationship with Amber, aka Cutthroat Bitch. House realized (like Seinfeld) that Wilson was dating someone exactly like him, and he even went to their House to divide up custody of Wilson (House was allowed Wednesdays and every other weekend). The lowlight of their friendship was the subsequent death of Amber that House was inadvertently involved in. It looked like their friendship was over for good, but the death of House's dad brought them back together on a hilarious road trip. Let's hope they never break up again.
Most Bromantic Moment: I don't feel like showing the emotional scene when House begs Wilson to stay but I will show a Top Ten House/Wilson scenes list.

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