Sunday, April 26, 2009


AFC East - New England (15-1) - This is an easy one. They were undefeated in the regular season last year and the rest of the division is made up of marshmallows (Favre included). Consider this a lock.

AFC North - Pittsburgh (9-7) - Speaking of locks, the Steelers have been the heavy favorite (or at least a strong contender) for the division title for as long as I can remember. They've added more depth on offense this year, and even though everyone whines about their O-line and D-line, you'd be a fool not to pick them (Herb = fool). True, they've got a tough schedule ahead, but so does the rest of their division. You could go 9-7 and win this one easy. Let's face it, their competition is the Brownies, Bungles, and the Billick-less Ravens. Lock.

AFC South - Indianapolis (13-3) - Like New England, this one is a safe bet. They've been the muscle in the division for years, and Jeff Saturday on IR isn't going to change that.

AFC West - Denver (10-6) - Do I think Denver can pull it off? No. But my picks are looking too much like the others, and I really hate LT & Co. So we'll say they both finish 10-6 but Denver wins the tie break. Don't sleep on Shanny. Cutler is better than hayseed Phil Rivers, and Juice Merriman is gonna end his career in game 3 with a doofus injury. All signs point to San Diego getting humbled this year.

Wildcards - San Diego (10-6) and Jacksonville (11-5). The wild cards here are two teams that everyone is picking to go all the way because people are tired of picking New England. Urban would call these teams 'sexy picks.' I call them 'Round 1 KOs'. I sure hope the Steelers get the Faguars in the first round. Tomlin doesn't forget a beating, and that game belonged to Pittsburgh last year.

AFC Champ - IND. over PIT. I really want to pick NE again this year like I did last year. (For the record, my predictions for last season killed Urban's and Herb's, it's on record somewhere). But I hate New England too much to pick them twice in two years. So if I can't pick a team I hate, I might as well pick a team that I love. You might be saying "Wha??? The Steelers in the AFC Championship? Impossible." Let me tell you, not impossible, so fuck you buddy. Big Ben was a TOP THREE QB last year, stats wise (I think). Maybe it was top 5. But he gets better every year, he's got big time playmakers at wide receiver, a powerful two back system, and the best defense in the league. People forget that Fast Willie was number ONE in rushing yards last year before he broke his leg a couple weeks before the playoffs. People thought Tomlin might not pan out as coach, but it got Rachel's attention (nichols, not dawes). And then I started to pay attention to Tomlin, and all that he's been doing as our new coach, and you know what, I believe in Mike Tomlin. I believe that on his watch Pittsburgh can feel a little...safer, a little more optimistic, look at this face, this is the face of Pittsburgh's bright future, to Mike Tomlin, let's hear it for him. The Jacksonville Fags lose that game if Willie plays. Simple. As for the Colts being there, well, just like Brady last year, Peyton will be a man on a mission this year. His record got killed, and his little bro stepped out of his shadow and can say he has just as many rings as big brother. He'll drive them through the playoffs like a yokel possessed.

NFC East - Dallas (12-4) - I hate Romo and I HATE Jessica Simpson. I hate T.O., and I've hated the Cowboys for years. But I still gotta pick them. It's an easy pick. I mean, shit, whose gonna challenge them...the Eagles?! Yea, don't hold your breath Philly.

NFC North - Green Bay (11-5) - Favre sucks. GOOOOO RODGERS!!!

NFC South - Tampa Bay (10-6) - The rest of this division is useless. And I love it when New Orleans is doing awful, so I'll pick against them and send them packing from the playoffs.

NFC West - Seattle (10-6) - Super Bowl XL, assholes. Stop your crying. You're lucky I gave you this much.

Wilcards - Minnesota (9-7) and NYG (9-7) - You can get a lot done by having a great running game, even if the rest of your team blows. As for the Giants, well, you can always count on Burress. And I like having on the record that the Eagles won't finish in the top 2 of their division.

NFC Champ - DAL over GB - I like putting the Pack here. If they get as far as they did last year, then people will realize that when Favre ran away crying for his daddy Goodell, the Packers were just as good without him. I still hate Dallas, but their bad luck in the Playoffs ends this year and they finally break through. Doesn't mean they'll do anything with it because...
Super Bowl - IND. over DAL. It's like I been saying, the Colts (and Manning especially) will get the job done this year. It will be less about the Mannings winning another Super Bowl and more about Peyton still being ten times better than Eli. Reggie Wayne gets MVP. And who cares about Jeff Saturday, he's overrated Schlereth.

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