Wednesday, April 29, 2009

FILM: Top 100 Film Characters

*Posted December 4, 2008*

Last issue, we discussed the very predictable Top 100 Characters according to Premiere magazine. Their Top 10 featured Gollum, Spicoli, Ripley, Indy, Annie Hall, Bond, Norman Bates, Scarlett O'Hara, Fred C. Dobbs, and Don Vito. That list was decided by critics, which is why there are tons of oldies on it. This time around, Empire Magazine ranked their own 100, decided PURELY by voters. That means you will see tons and tons of memorable characters not given credit by Premiere. I looked through the entire list, and I think only 5 of them are pre-70s (John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Bogey, etc.) Women are griping about there not being more chicks on the list (only about a dozen). As usual, I will post the notables, which there are plenty. Check out Empire's entire gallery because it comes with cool pictures, quotes, and best moments.

100. MARTIN RIGGS - Mel's only appearance on the list, and much to my disappointment. Outside of William Wallace, does any of his other roles deserve voter consideration?

98. Charles Foster Kane - Hah! Ebert just had another heart attack.

94. Buzz Lightyear - And not the only cartoon on the list, either.

93. Martin Blank - Killed the President of Paraguay with a fork.

92. Randall Graves - "This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

89. Princess Leia - I'd rather see Qui-Gon in her spot.

86. Roy Batty - Really awesome in Blade Runner. His final speech is deservedly memorable.

83. Mr. Blonde - "Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

81. Wolverine - Once again, Cyclops is left out.

79. Boba Fett - Probably the character with the least amount of screen time on this list. And we're talking about the bounty hunter, not the pissy little kid.

77. Ed - This is why this list is fun. You won't see Shaun of the Dead represented on critic's list. Also, Empire is a British magazine and is probably biased towards Frost.

72. V - Ranks higher than Agent Smith (84)? Gay.

71. Snake Plissken - I thought you were dead...

68. Napoleon Dynamite - I suppose I should be grateful that he's not any higher on the list. That movie blows.

63. Wall-E - Top ranked cartoon. Directive?

60. Ace Ventura - Still a good movie.

56. Juno - This is their quote. "This is not a food baby, alright? I've taken, like, three pregnancy tests and I'm FO-SHIZZ UP THE SPOUT!!!"

54. Luke Skywalker - That's 3 Star Wars characters down, more to go.

51. MAL REYNOLDS - Awesome. Go buy Firefly and Serenity

50. CAPTAIN QUINT - As Empire says, "How Shaw didn't win an Oscar for (the USS Indianapolis speech), we'll never know."

49. Walter Sobchak - "This is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules."

48. Tony Stark - lame.

35. Maximus Decimus Meridius - Husband to a murdered wife and all that. One of about 8 Oscar Winning characters on this list, give or take.

32. Bourne - Bond wins.

31. Aragorn - 2 more LOTRers left. Can you name them?

29. Plainview - Higher up than fellow winner Chigurh (46)

28. Gandalf - "Wizard! You shall not pass!"

25. Yoda - Two more Star Wars characters left there are.

20. Forrest Gump - Hanks' only character on the list.

17. Hans Gruber - Fun Fact: Alan Rickman's first movie role. Still his best.

16. Neo - Whoa.

13. Gollum - Best LOTR character? I prefer Boromir and even the real Hobbits over Gollum.

11. Bond. James Bond - Probably the Brosnan version.


10. Vito Corleone - Beats son Michael (21), just as Godfather I beats II.

9. Ellen Ripley - Top ranked chick.

8. Jack Sparrow - Johnny Depp is also here for Scissorhands (37). Only a handful are on here twice.

7. THE DUDE - "The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals."

6. Indiana Jones - Held the same spot in the critic's list. Would be higher if not for IV.

5. Hannibal Lecter - If Indy is held accountable for Crystal Skull, Lecter should account for Hannibal and Red Dragon (RATNERRRRRRRRR!!!!)

4. Han Solo - Not the highest Star Wars character. Ford is also on the list twice, but I'm surprised Rick Deckard didn't make it.

3. The Joker - And not the Fat Nicholson version. Think he'll be this high after 10 or 20 years?

2. Darth Vader -Star Wars' 6 characters is tops for one franchise, with LOTR's 3 coming in second.

Are you ready to scream?

You sure?

Move away from anything that you might want to throw against the wall...

1. TYLER DURDEN - This one came out of left field. Voters really think he's the best of all time? Fight Club is such an overrated movie, and I really don't see the draw in his character. For as cool as this list was (MAL REYNOLDS!!!) this is the perfect example of why moron voters shouldn't influence lists. Furthermore, the Empire staff actually defended the pick, saying he deserves it and then some. Wrong. It's okay to call the voters out as morons. That's what they are.

P.S. - No Schindler?!?!? Whatever...

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