NEWS: INVASION OF THE BEARS!

*Posted July 24, 2008*

Rather than report the story, I'm going to tell it like I am pitching a movie to be made for USA or Sci-Fi, tentatively titled "Invasion of the Bears: Based on True Events."

Okay, this movie is set in Russia at an isolated mining colony (truth), where because of a food shortage, some 30 giant bears are forced to attack the site and eat the people (truth: the 2 guards were killed and eaten)! Now our heroes have to call in the government, who plan to send in snipers to ice the bears (pun intended). But the snipers can't get there right away because thick fog has grounded the choppers (truth!)! Now the miners, who are terrified of leaving the mines, are forced to wait for days until the rescue shows up by ground (truth). The movie would even include some cool exchanges like:

Foolish angry co-worker: We have go out there and look for help!

Deep-voiced Hero: It's not help that you'll find out there..... (cut to shot of angry bear face)

or...

Deep-voiced Hero: It's out of our hands. The bears control our fate now...

Fat Sidekick: There's nothing we can do?

Deep-voiced Hero: Well we shouldn't have come here to begin with....taking from the Earth...it's THEIR country, not OURS... we....are the invaders.

*Bear growls in the distance*

If anyone's paying, I can have the screenplay done in a week.

News of the Weird (brought to you by Yahoo! News)

A judge in New Zealand ordered that a 9 year old who was named Talula Does The Hula be renamed, saying "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily." Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy, and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter and tragically, Violence.