Let’s get something outta the way real quick. Just because I contribute to this website does not mean I agree with everything that makes it into the final weekly issues. While I do agree with most of it (like Democrats = laughable, Obama = turds, and Pittsburgh = greatest city since Rome) there are a few things this week that I must separate myself from. First off, Burn Notice is great! Herb’s just an idiot and prefers reruns of Deadliest Catch all day everyday. Secondly, if you read the ranks below, you’ll see Andy mention some phantom person who doesn’t like Jordan Staal. Well that’s me. I fuckin hate Staal and want him OUT of Pittsburgh so we can free up some cap room to keep better players like Hossa, Fleury, or Malone. I could give a shit about his long reach. His production has gone way down, he drags his feet when skating for loose pucks, his checking is lousy for a third liner, and his face off numbers aren’t high enough to make up for his lacking qualities. But everybody likes this kid because he’s young and there’s a chance he may be as good as his brother Eric one day, but I doubt it. Staal blows. Oh, and I've never been a fan of my segment's title, assigned to me by the big boss here.
What I’m Watching Today: NBA Finals Game 1. I’ve been a Lakers fan since the 2000 regular season. I didn’t jump on the bandwagon after they won the title that year, but I did become a fan of theirs during that season when they were absolutely dominant and it seemed like a title was a foregone conclusion. Still, its been 8 years and 3 championships since I became a Lakers fan, and I had to put up with all kinds of shit from my family and friends on how Kobe can’t win without Shaq. Well, matters didn’t improve when Shaq later won a title without Kobe (even though moron D-Wade won it that year. Shaq did bupkis). Now the tables have turned. Kobe, fresh off winning a league MVP award, looks to lead his new look Lakers to another ring, their fourth in eight years (which is better than four in 11 years like those red wing fags). Lakers will win the series in four games. Why? Because all Boston area sports teams are filled with low-talent, high-ego pussies, except for the Bruins because they aren't that good to begin with and hockey rarely has teams of pussies (the exceptions? Detroit and Philly). Oh, and I’ve also been watching the excellent Home Improvement marathons that have been on all week.
What I’m Reading Today: The Pens Blog. Look it up on google, it’s a great site for Penguins fans. My friend’s cousin actually runs the site, getting zero dollars for doing it, too. It’s loaded with funny photoshopped images, anti-Detroit stuff, and plenty of interesting Penguins news. What, you thought I was reading an actual book? I do have the Indiana Jones Adventurer’s Guide in the bathroom if that helps.
What I’m Listening to Today: Well, it’s easy to spot the themes and trends on this website from week to week. It was Indy heavy when Crystal Skull came out, LOST heavy during season 4, and now as we lament the loss of the Pens, you can bet to see plenty of Pens related info this week. Fresh off the Stanley Cup defeat, I needed a good laugh, so I left it to the Ricky Gervais podcasts to cheer me up. Go check it out if you like him at all, you won’t regret it.
The only one whose safe? Cameron Frye.