Saturday, April 25, 2009

TV: L O S T Running Diary

*Originally Posted May 8, 2008*

LOST is about to start, and I need an article to replace Local this week, so here is your running diary for the week. We know this is going to be a Locke backstory. Locke hasn't had a good backstory since Season 1, and we haven't had a flashback since Season 3. Locke needs a big boost, he's done little good this season. Here we go!
10:02 I hate Gay's Anatomy. We need to start on time. -5
10:03 Who's this chick, Locke's mom? She's pretty hot. Too bad she turns into a loon. +1
10:04 Yep, it is, and John gets born prematurely. Useless info? You bet. -3
10:06 "I dunno. I've been following him." Ben to Locke about Hurley. He rules. My new #1. +1
10:07 Desmond finally returns, and the Doctor is still alive. "A black pillar of smoke ripped his guts out and threw him 50 feet in the air." -Keamy to the Dr. +2
10:09 If anyone out there remembers Keamy from Mystery, Alaska or Smokin' Aces, you'll agree that his new voice is awwwweeeeessoooome. Bonus points for knocking out Michael. +5
First commercial Break: Supposedly this Locke flashback will be all over the place, which is good. Flashbacks about kids (remember Ben as a kid) are boring. Will we find out who slits the freighter doctor's throat? My bet is Michael, Dave thinks Keamy, and Andy goes with Captain Gault.

10:12 Horace Goodspeed, one of Top Ten's favorite obscure LOST characters (see our first issue) is out choppin wood. "We've been waiting for you for a real long time." A very cool freaky dream, much cooler than using a sweat lodge. +3
10:15 Flashback to infant John, who's special (WE KNOW THIS ALREADY!) -2
10:17 Immortal Richard Alpert appears at the hosiptal ....spooky. +1
10:18 Locke takes Hurley to the mass grave from the Purge, which probably grinds Ben's gears. I just love how it's called "the Purge." +3

Second Commercial Break: Now we are getting somewhere. Two surprise cameos (the dead Dharma leader and the immortal Alpert) but the progress is slow. Assuming that the goal of the episode is to reach Jacob, the question is, which Jacob will we see? Christian Shepard or the one that looks like Locke? We better find out.

10:22 Alpert (who looks exotic enough to be Magnus Hanso) is talking with kid Locke. Oooo kid Locke drew the smoke monster. I am not a fan of kid flashbacks!!!!!!!!! -3
10:25 My guess? The things that might already belong to John are things that did belong to Jacob. Alpert thinks Locke is Jacob, but he picked wrong and I guess Locke is not Jacob. Neat little test. +2
10:29 A big cool scene between Keamy and Capt. Gault about Secondary Protocol. Gault is just a captain-for-hire and Keamy is Widmore's man. Hear that morse code? That's probably Farraday's message. +4

Third Commercial Break: Awesome scenes for everybody here. Gault goes up for helping out Desmond and loser Sayid, Keamy goes up for being the hardass commando who wants to "torch the Island," and Locke definitely goes up because he's out exploring again. Plus no Kate, Sawyer, Claire, or Sun this episode.

10:35 "He actually thinks staying is his idea....not bad John, not bad at all." Shades of Ben is a plus. +3
10:36 Flashback teenage John is a loser who gets stuffed into lockers. Again, we don't care. -2
10:37 "Don't tell me what I can't do" sounds incredibly lame coming from a high school runt. -5
10:39 Now we know why Desmond isn't apart of the Oceanic 6 and why Sayid is. +2
Fourth Commercial Break: We know the 6 get off and the others stay behind and are probably alive, but we have no idea what's going to happen to the guys on the freighter (Desmond, Michael, Gault). I couldn't care less about what happens to Michael, but Desmond needs to smooch Penny.

10:43 "Destiny is a fickle bitch" probably sounded real cool to Lindelof and Cuse in the writer's room, but it seemed out of place (and sucked) coming from Ben. -4
10:44 Adult Locke flashback and we see MICHAEL ABADDON, who is even spookier now than when talking with Hurley. +2
10:47 I had to stop and take in the rest of the scene with Abaddon (Andy thinks he's Jacob). +3
10:48 Keamy and Lapidus showdown! Goodbye Dr (dumb way). +0
10:50 BANG! "I fixed your gun." Gault rules. +3
10:50 BANG BANG! Bye bye, Captain Gault. Boooo, what a cool character, but now what happens with the Freighter? And now Lapidus yields and flies them out. It's all depressing, but this kind of defeat is good (like Empire Strikes Back) +2

Fifth Commercial Break: You Don't Mess with the Zohan makes a short list of Worst Movie candidates for the 2008 FLOBYs. But more importantly, perhaps Desmond takes over as captain and steers them back home?
10:52 Jack is back and Juliet is lecturing him. "Doctor's make the worst patients." I like it. +2
10:54 THE CABIN. "My time is over now." -Ben. I felt really sad when he said that, like an end of an era. +1
10:55 INSIDE THE CABIN. Who's it gonna be.SUSPENSE!!! +2
10:56 Jacob is CHRISTIAN SHEPARD....only not. What? And Claire's there too? Huh? "How do I save the Island?" YYYYEEESSSS! +15
10:58 Dave thinks John needs to die in order to become Jacob (like an Obi-Wan sort of thing). Ben and Hurley make cool pals, but I feel like the episode should've ended on the previous line. -1
10:59 MOVE THE ISLAND???? WHAT???? Thanks for the confusing ending Lindelof, but I like it!!! Locke is officially back at the number 1 spot! I'm sorry I doubted you John!!! +5

Previews for next week rocked. Is Claire officially dead now? How will they move the Island? Where is the assault squad leading the Losties? Too many questions, too many questions. Verdict: Despite Locke's dumb childhood, the episode was one of the best of the season and certainly a solid all-around episode. B+. Overall score: +38 (that scores wins most Around the Horn episodes)

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