Tuesday, April 28, 2009

THE TOP TEN TV DEMOCRATS(liberals) by Herb

*Posted October 2, 2008*

10. JIM HALPERT, the Office

Representing the Philly liberals

Liberal meter:3/10

Awesome meter: 4/10

The worst thing about Penn State, and Pennsylvania in general, is Philadelphia. Philly is a genetic cesspool of crime, decay, Eagles fans, and liberals. They rave about Philly steak subs and Philly pretzels, about Wawa and soda, and of course, Obamamania. Because it is the largest city in the state, the conservative Burgh tries but is not powerful enough to stop their influence. Jim Halpert, with his shaggy hair and lazy work ethic, is at best a liberal, and at worst….a hippie. His biggest offense came when Michael was playing survivorman in the woods. Jim was in control of birthdays, and decided to have one huge birthday party instead of individual ones throughout the month. Of course everyone hated this idea, and why? A shared birthday party reeks of socialism, and so does Jim.


Representing the hippies

Liberal meter:5/10

Awesome meter: 3/10

Phoebe combines PETA, Greenpeace, Woodstock, weird clothes, and zany ideas. She's easily the most dangerous of the Friends gang (she was homeless), but that's mostly due to her threatening beliefs. The best thing about Phoebe is that her friends don't seem to be influenced by her. They are probably all liberals, but Phoebe was the most extreme, and they just put up with her. I can only remember her being a masseuse, but she quit that job. She's probably relied on government handout programs until rich boy Paul Rudd came along and married her.

8. VINCENT CHASE, Entourage

Representing the Fiscally Irresponsible and Hollywood Elite

Liberal meter: 6/10

Awesome meter: 5/10

We can count him among the Hollywood Elite for being the star of the highest grossing film of all time (Aquaman: $700+ million domestic), but he never really speaks out like the Sarandons and the Baldwins of the real world. Instead, we know he's a liberal because of the way he misuses his money. It was the big liberals like Barney Frank who got us into this economic meltdown, forcing banks to give mortgages to bums who couldn't put any money down. Like the economy, Vincent Chase is also currently bankrupt in Season 5. He supports (gives handouts to) his unemployed bum friend Turtle, and he wrecklessly spends his fortune until he goes under. That's been the Dems philosophy all along. Big Spending. No Regulation. Vincent Chase = Big Liberal.

7. LISA SIMPSON, the Simpsons

Representing the whiny and the environmentalists

Liberal meter: 8/10

Awesome meter: 1/10

Take Phoebe Buffay and make her coherent. You get a very dangerous liberal; one with the thought and intelligence to actually influence unsuspecting people (like Homer) to do their bidding. We all know how Lisa speaks out against everything, from snake violence on Whacking Day to Mr. Burns polluting more than usual. Bottom line: She sucks, and she's a big Democrat. The silver lining is that she is not and never will be old enough to vote.

6. ELLEN, Ellen

Representing the gays

Liberal meter: 8/10

Awesome meter: 4/10

Whether we are talking about her cancelled sitcom or her award winning talk show, it doesn't make a difference. Ellen is either a gay character in her show or a real gay person on her talk show, but she's pushing the same agenda. She's dangerous to the system (remember the dog/crying fiasco on her show) and every day she influences homemakers to support things like women's and homosexual's rights. Women's rights is one thing; I have no problem with equal opportunity and equal pay and all that jazz. But fighting for gay marraige and then marrying your girlfriend Portia De Rossi (she sucked on Nip/Tuck) makes you a biggggg liberal. Too bad...Ellen actually is pretty funny, but if we're caught off guard by her goofy dancing and big smiles, it'll be that much easier for her to destroy the country with her ideals.

5. DR. PERRY COX, Scrubs

Representing the Anti-War brigade

Liberal meter: 4/10

Awesome meter: 10/10

One of the dumbest episodes of Scrubs (a recent one, go figure) is when the doctors all argue with each other about the Iraq War. Dr. Cox is vehemently against it and President Bush. Elliot and Nurse Roberts (R.I.P.) are in favor of it, and J.D. doesn't keep up with current events, so he finds himself knowing nothing about it. We single out Dr. Cox, firstly because he rocks, and secondly because not only is he anti-war (liberal cue 1), he's also routinely fighting against Dr. Kelso, treating patients without insurance, and therefore hurting the capitilist system. He wants everyone to be treated and covered, which smells like universal healthcare to me. Obamamania would be proud.

4. JON STEWART, the Daily Show

Representing the smug, Hollywood Elite and the Jews

Liberal meter: 15/10

Awesome meter: 0/10

I don't know why I used to watch the Daily Show in high school. I used to think it was funny, but now I can't stomach it. At least Colbert offers equal opportunity bashing, and even SNL took on Biden as well as Palin (Tina Fey is starting to suck). But Jon Stewart just loves ribbing the Bush Administration, Bill O'Reilly, and anyone else that he thinks is hurting the country. His impressions are terrible, and like I said when he was the worst people of the week, I hate it when he makes some clever joke that the audience eats up, and sits there in a pool of smug satisfaction. Jon Stewart sucks so much, but he is soooo liberal that I have to include him high on the list.

3. GREG HOUSE, M.D., House

Representing the non-believers

Liberal meter: 7/10

Awesome meter: 10/10

The only knock that I have on House is that he's against faith. It's not only that he's against it, but he loves ridiculing those that rely on it. House has to know the reasoning behind everything, because everything has a reason. He can't comprehend people that are dumb enough to put their faith in God (like the supposed "healer" kid that got an STD from taking advantage of the girlies). House knows that there's no God, no power that can help us. House just likes proving it to everyone else. It doesn't make him any happier, but it does make him a great character, and a Democrat.


Representing the minorities

Liberal meter: 7/10

Awesome meter: 10/10

If David Palmer, the greatest fictional President of all time, is anything like Obamamania, then he easily obtained more than 95% of the black vote whether they agreed with his policies or not. But is Palmer liberal? In 24, he ran against John Keely, a thinly veiled cover for John Kerry. He routinely supported the tortuous interrogation methods of Jack Bauer. On the other hand, he is black. The tipping point: Under the Palmer administration, a nuclear bomb was detonated on U.S. soil. We all know a national security hawk Republican would have prevented such an attack. Vulnerability is a liberal trait, thus David Palmer is a Dummycrat. Are you in good hands?


Representing the sneaky liberals

Liberal meter: 8/10

Awesome meter: 10/10

<Jack’s reign on the Island consisted of one big government run by him where all decisions went through him. Ultra GOP John Locke is naturally against this ideology, and preferred to just be left alone by big government to go his own way. Jack is the most dangerous kind of Democrat. He cleverly pushes his agenda on people that are unaware of it (Claire), makes them think it’s a good idea (Kate), gains their allegiance (Hurley), and then uses their support to push out the GOPpers (bye bye Locke and co.). You see, Jack, like any loony lefty, is an idealist. He wants everyone to survive and thrive on the Island. Locke and co. are realists, and understand survival of the fittest. But because of Jack and his handout programs, guys like Sayid will always be carrying the dead weight of girls like Shannon.

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